Guns?

[FZR1KG]

FZ: Thanks - though I do feel kind of bad about bailing on you like that. I need to get a handle on this shit.

Don't.
I win the argument by default!
lol

Seriously, it's not worth the stress. It make no difference to me.
So you don't agree with me. Big whoop.
So you don't want to hammer out the differences, another big whoop.

There is no requirement for us to think the same or keep hashing things out till we do.
That would be insane and the world would collapse if it worked that way.

All we have to do is not shoot each other over the differences, which is easier for you because you don't have guns.

[SciFi Chick]

SFC: Thanks! And if we are in the same boat, I'd love to hear how you deal with it. Being both interested in discussing controversial things and conflict-averse is a bad mix.

Mostly, I haven't been, because it's just today, reading what you wrote, that's making me think this would explain a lot in my life. Years of writer's block. Being so perfectionistic that I get anxiety about things I used to love to do, to the point I can't do them anymore because I'm too worried about whether or not it will be perfect. Procrastinating and procrastinating and procrastinating. Burying all those feelings with food or cigarettes or alcohol.

Things have improved lately because I've decided to ignore feeling guilty and do what I think is healthiest for me. I quit smoking. I quit drinking hard liquor. I'm changing my life in stages, bit by bit, instead of trying to do sweeping changes and then getting frustrated when it doesn't work. Now, I do a step and get it implemented into my life. Then I move on to the next step. Some steps are harder than others. I haven't started working out regularly, even though I really want to. Rather than feeling like a complete failure, I just keep reminding myself of the good changes I have made, and I keep psyching myself up to stop handicapping myself.

I have quite a bit of plot worked out on a novel with ideas for the beginning and end of two others. I thought I would do lots of writing when we got back from the boat, but apparently, I need to break that into smaller steps as well, so I'm going to start (next week), writing one hour a day whether I feel like it or not. I'm not going to worry about it being perfect. Then, I will slowly increase the writing time. I'm also back to doing cross stitch, something I love, but something I quit doing because I was getting overwhelmed over how to make it perfect.

One of the things that has helped me is being married to a man who insists "near enough is good enough". He broke me of the habit of following a recipe so meticulously that I would get stuck trying to make sure I was being perfectly accurate with the amount of flour, for example. He just throws stuff together and makes it fantastic. I have the skill set for baking, and there was no need for me to be so meticulous. Instead of starting out meticulous and learning to relax, I had started out meticulous and gotten more meticulous, to the point it would cause me anxiety just to watch him refuse to follow the rules. But then whatever he made would taste good.

Of course there are areas where being accurate is very important, but the things I'm trying to do don't fall into those categories. So yeah, if you're still reading, I've been dealing with this for almost twenty years without realizing it, and only now, am I getting the mechanisms in place to not suffer so much anymore. I do know what triggered it in me, but now I'm having the revelation that a genuine problem was triggered. I didn't just suddenly turn into a lazy bum. If I don't succeed this time, at least I know it's a real problem and I'm not just some loser, and I'll go seek outside help. But I think I'm making progress.

And now that I've detailed all of this, you can let me know if it's anything like what you go through or if it's something different.

[FZR1KG]

Always remember, rules are usually made by a committee with the collective IQ of a hen, so:

Rules aren't meant to be broken.
They are meant to be analysed, ignored when required, used when it makes sense, ripped apart, shredded, loaded into a bazooka and fired off into space if written by a self interested group of narcissistic morons...preferably along with the framers of said rules.

[SciFi Chick]

Always remember, rules are usually made by a committee with the collective IQ of a hen, so:

Rules aren't meant to be broken.
They are meant to be analysed, ignored when required, used when it makes sense, ripped apart, shredded, loaded into a bazooka and fired off into space if written by a self interested group of narcissistic morons...preferably along with the framers of said rules.

[The Supreme Canuck]

Actually yeah, SFC, that sounds a lot like my issue. At least the outward manifestation of it, in any case. I can't vouch for what goes on in your head. But the fear of failure, the perfectionism, and the avoidance? Exactly the same.

I wish I could give you some advice, but I haven't worked it out for myself, yet.

[FZR1KG]

Actually yeah, SFC, that sounds a lot like my issue. At least the outward manifestation of it, in any case. I can't vouch for what goes on in your head. But the fear of failure, the perfectionism, and the avoidance? Exactly the same.

I wish I could give you some advice, but I haven't worked it out for myself, yet.

You need to come to:

ZEE'S!!! Near enough is good enough camp!!!!!
YAY!!!.
At this camp, we show you that if you caught a fish and ate it, it matters not if you had the right line, hook, casting technique, spear, hand etc.
You got to EAT!!!
So long as you didn't get eaten by a bear that is, but, at this camp, we insist you take a HANDGUN for that very reason!!!
And we teach you how to use it for self defense.

Come to Zee's, Near enough is good enough camp!
Only $500 for a weekend and it will change your life forever!!!
YAY!!!

[SciFi Chick]

It might take a bit longer than a weekend.

[SciFi Chick]

Actually yeah, SFC, that sounds a lot like my issue. At least the outward manifestation of it, in any case. I can't vouch for what goes on in your head. But the fear of failure, the perfectionism, and the avoidance? Exactly the same.

I wish I could give you some advice, but I haven't worked it out for myself, yet.

On some level, it feels better knowing I'm not the only one. So yeah - let's start our own little support group. You PM me any time, because I obviously understand what you're going through, and it feels good knowing someone can understand me as well.

And FZ really is on the right track. Pick things that don't matter and practice doing them whether it's perfect or not. I won't say don't worry. I'll say ignore the worry and press on. I've been married to him for almost ten years, but it's just been in the last two years that I've started emulating him instead of constantly arguing with him that he should follow the rules. My interior life has gotten so much better!

[SciFiFisher]

roll:

It might take a bit longer than a weekend.

That's just the "get you started" course. for those with deep pockets we have the 28 day deep immersion program. Payment plans available.

[Sigma_Orionis]

And once the "total immersion" program is done, a whole library of reference material you can buy from us. Craft-fully selected to keep you motivated.

[brite]

Crap.... now they're working together....

[Sigma_Orionis]

Be Very Afraid

[FZR1KG]

But bring out your cheque book!

[The Supreme Canuck]

On some level, it feels better knowing I'm not the only one. So yeah - let's start our own little support group. You PM me any time, because I obviously understand what you're going through, and it feels good knowing someone can understand me as well.

Well, thanks - and right back at you. PM any time.

And FZ really is on the right track. Pick things that don't matter and practice doing them whether it's perfect or not. I won't say don't worry. I'll say ignore the worry and press on. I've been married to him for almost ten years, but it's just been in the last two years that I've started emulating him instead of constantly arguing with him that he should follow the rules. My interior life has gotten so much better!

Not sure whether to say this or not, since it's going to make him insufferable - but fuck it. That's basically what the psychologist said. Feeling anxious about doing a thing to the point that you can't do it. Do it anyway. Ignore the anxiety.

I didn't find that to be particularly helpful in any way ("Your answer to me saying 'anxiety makes it impossible for me to do X' is to tell me to just do X anyway? Well, fuck you too, doc."), but it is what the psychologist said. So go ahead and smirk all you want, you bastard.

[FZR1KG]

It won't make me insufferable at all.
I'm very used to being right, even if it takes people years to realise it.

[Sigma_Orionis]

It won't make me insufferable at all.
I'm very used to being right, even if it takes people years to realise it.

Mansplainer! ManSplainer! Croatian/Australian Ape ManSplainer!

But bring out your cheque book!

Hey, Faith Moves Mountains, but ye gots to pay

[SciFiFisher]

And FZ really is on the right track. Pick things that don't matter and practice doing them whether it's perfect or not. I won't say don't worry. I'll say ignore the worry and press on. I've been married to him for almost ten years, but it's just been in the last two years that I've started emulating him instead of constantly arguing with him that he should follow the rules. My interior life has gotten so much better!

Not sure whether to say this or not, since it's going to make him insufferable - but fuck it. That's basically what the psychologist said. Feeling anxious about doing a thing to the point that you can't do it. Do it anyway. Ignore the anxiety.

I didn't find that to be particularly helpful in any way ("Your answer to me saying 'anxiety makes it impossible for me to do X' is to tell me to just do X anyway? Well, fuck you too, doc."), but it is what the psychologist said. So go ahead and smirk all you want, you bastard.

In a nut shell that seems to be the divide between manageable anxiety and non-manageable anxiety. When it is being managed you do things even when you are feeling anxious. Or you teach yourself ways to overcome the anxiety. most of the mental health approach (for now) is focused on using drugs to decrease the feeling of anxiety so that the person can choose to do the anxiety inducing actions. Or, using different types of therapy and coaching to teach the patient to do it with various coping mechanisms. So far, the most effective approaches seem to combine the two.

FWIW you could try starting with something really small. For example, if you are the type who gets anxious about ordering something new when you go to get coffee or eat out start with that. Instead of your usual "comfort zone" double latte go into your favorite Tim Horton's and order the Double Latte with a donut instead. I find that if I start with things that trigger the pleasure centers of my brain that it works better.

[The Supreme Canuck]

I mean, yeah. You're absolutely right - that's how to manage things. It's just that this particular psychologist didn't seem to know how to do that, at least not for me. He seemed to be more of a "throw you in the lake so you learn how to swim" guy than a "slowly ease you into the things that cause you anxiety so you build a tolerance" guy. Not particularly helpful for me.

[SciFiFisher]

I mean, yeah. You're absolutely right - that's how to manage things. It's just that this particular psychologist didn't seem to know how to do that, at least not for me. He seemed to be more of a "throw you in the lake so you learn how to swim" guy than a "slowly ease you into the things that cause you anxiety so you build a tolerance" guy. Not particularly helpful for me.

He sounds like he is in the immersion/aversion therapy camp. That particular school uses a technique that actually does something that does resemble the "throw you in the lake and you will swim" camp. The theory is that exposure to those things you want to avoid allows you to adapt. It has been used very successfully with soldiers who have PTSD. One of the big challenges they have is being able to go to public places like a mall. The approach that is often used is to have them actually go to malls and practice explosing themselves to the uncomfortable stimuli that malls represent. Eventually they learn to adapt to being at malls and other public places with lots of people.

Depending on the therapist therapy can range from gradual exposure to almost a "shock therapy" approach. It's not for everyone but some people get good results from it.

[The Supreme Canuck]

Yep, exposure therapy. Hell, I'm convinced it's the best way to go. Just not the immediate total immersion method - something more gradual is probably better for me. "Can't do X? Just do it!" isn't terribly effective, I've found. I'm sure it works for some people, but not me. Just a mismatch between me and this particular psychologist, I think.

[SciFi Chick]

Yep, exposure therapy. Hell, I'm convinced it's the best way to go. Just not the immediate total immersion method - something more gradual is probably better for me. "Can't do X? Just do it!" isn't terribly effective, I've found. I'm sure it works for some people, but not me. Just a mismatch between me and this particular psychologist, I think.

I agree a hundred percent. I can't tell you how many people have told me the solution to my writer's block is to start writing. Big fucking

[FZR1KG]

Canada's solution to bear attack: BDS (Bieber Defensive Systems)

rofl

[FZR1KG]

9 year old kills firearms instructor at a gun range with an uzi.

Teaching a 9 year old to fire an automatic weapon is retarded.

The range spokesperson says he can't understand what went wrong.
Thankfully they have amended the rules and now limit it to 12 year olds who are taller than 5 feet.

Video footage of incident before the shooting in link:
http://www.cbsnews.com/videos/9-year-ol ... gun-range/

[Swift]

The range spokesperson says he can't understand what went wrong.

\car mechanic voice\

There's your problem right there.

[Sigma_Orionis]

From what I can see about that firing range's web site it's more like a tourist attraction than a place to learn how to shoot.

Not that it makes any difference of course. Why in hell I'd have 9 year old firing an automatic weapon is beyond me.