FWIS3

Swift wrote:

Sigma_Orionis wrote:Time to resurrect this thread.....

More Parlor Tricks

Are executive sleepovers the best way for staff to bond?

I would quit so fast there would be burn marks on the carpet. And straight to a lawyer and the National Labor Relations Board.

Yeah, Whole Foods isn't exactly a startup or summer camp now is it?

Sigma_Orionis wrote:Time to resurrect this thread.....

More Parlor Tricks

Are executive sleepovers the best way for staff to bond?

In the article they point to this Gallup Survey where they find "alarming" that 70% of US workers are "disengaged".

This is a great idea. Until the first person files a sexual assault complaint because the CEO molested them in their sleep.

But, I do like some of the other ideas in the article. As long as things don't become a façade or rote with everyone too afraid to speak up.

From the BBC article (a quote from the Whole Foods guy):

"If you want to create a good culture and a good company then people have got to have that sense that their work matters and that they matter."

I hear that a lot, including from the corporation I work for; "our employees are our most important asset". They act like the company is your bestest buddy. But its a crock. And the obvious evidence of that is the first time the business or the economy goes bad.

If the company can earn more money (or lose less) by laying off employees, they do so. Frankly, there isn't even much hesitation (at least it seems that way to me). That's not something friends do.

Friendship means that you are willing to sometimes put your friend's interests above your own. Companies, with exceedingly few exceptions, don't do that. They act in what is in the company's best interest. A lot of them will try to do that without hurting employees, are by inflicting the least pain. But the bottom line is.... the bottom line; they do what has to be done for the sake of the company.

I don't fault them for that; that's the nature of business. That's why you pay me. But don't pretend you're my friend.

Swift wrote:From the BBC article (a quote from the Whole Foods guy):

"If you want to create a good culture and a good company then people have got to have that sense that their work matters and that they matter."

I don't fault them for that; that's the nature of business. That's why you pay me. But don't pretend you're my friend.

And that is the crux of the issue. It is not a family or friendship relationship. The employee is at worst a commodity the company is desperately trying to find cheaper. And in the better companies a commodity that they try to pay fairly. But, the challenge with that is they compete with the cut throat business down the street. So, if they do market surveys and try to pay you fairly it means you get throat punched by the a-holes who outsource their labor costs or pay them illegal alien wages.

Executive sleepovers?

I guess that's one way to increase the number of women in higher up positions but not sure if they will be happy to know they were promoted so they can cook and clean dishes during these events.

SciFiFisher wrote:And that is the crux of the issue. It is not a family or friendship relationship. The employee is at worst a commodity the company is desperately trying to find cheaper. And in the better companies a commodity that they try to pay fairly. But, the challenge with that is they compete with the cut throat business down the street. So, if they do market surveys and try to pay you fairly it means you get throat punched by the a-holes who outsource their labor costs or pay them illegal alien wages.

That's the way the cookie crumbles.

About a year ago I bumped into my uncle (who has worked HR for the last 30 years) and he was telling me that he had been hired as a consultant for some company where they had tasked HR to find ways to retain employees that didn't required raising salaries.

I once again resurrect this thread because apparently the hot HR topic these days is "employee disengagement" and how it "impacts productivity."

Found tons of websites filled to the gills with the usual Pollyanna platitudes HR and Managers love to revel on.

And once again I have reached the conclusion that I am a simpleton. Because as far as I am concerned the only three things that will keep grunts like me "engaged" are:

1) Pay me a fair Salary
2) Don't make me do the work of three people routinely
3) Don't insult my intelligence with gimmicks

Since 1 and 2 are apparently "impossible" in the current economic situation. At least try to do #3. IMHO that drives people like me away faster than the other two.

Sigma_Orionis wrote:3) Don't insult my intelligence with gimmicks

Depends on the gimmick. Once,during contract negotiations the management team suggested house cleaning services as a perk. Unfortunately, it was shortly after a contentious period which included a strike. So, just about anything that management suggested was almost automatically met with hostility if it didn't include restoring the wages and loss of income that were a result of a breach of contract on their part.

In retrospect, I think having someone come clean my house without me having to pay for it would have been a gimmick I could have supported. The advantage to the employer in these situations is that they can usually get some type of volume or corporate discount. So they can give you $3 worth of benefit while only paying $2 for it.

The PROBLEM is that most people in HR don't realize that a true perk that might retain someone is more than a freaking coffee cup with the company logo on it.

My favorite gimmick when I was working 60 + hours per week was the discounted gym membership. Yeah... like I am going to make time to stop at the gym when I am working 5 twelve hour days per week.

SciFiFisher wrote:Depends on the gimmick. Once,during contract negotiations the management team suggested house cleaning services as a perk. Unfortunately, it was shortly after a contentious period which included a strike. So, just about anything that management suggested was almost automatically met with hostility if it didn't include restoring the wages and loss of income that were a result of a breach of contract on their part.

In retrospect, I think having someone come clean my house without me having to pay for it would have been a gimmick I could have supported. The advantage to the employer in these situations is that they can usually get some type of volume or corporate discount. So they can give you $3 worth of benefit while only paying $2 for it.

It wouldn't have lasted a year. Management must have been desperate to come up with something like that.

When I worked at a Large ISP (owned by the Phone Company BEFORE it was bought up by the government) they had free cell phone air time for all employees. I never used the perk, because I knew it wasn't going to last (Not to mention that if they paid your cell bill, they automatically had the right to call you up ANY TIME). Sure enough, one year later the shit hit the fan because they removed the perk. And while everyone was shaking their heads in disbelief I walked around with a smug smile on my face (ain't I a prick? )

SciFiFisher wrote:The PROBLEM is that most people in HR don't realize that a true perk that might retain someone is more than a freaking coffee cup with the company logo on it.

Ah yes, been there, done that, got the mouse pad. All from their old POP material of course.

SciFiFisher wrote:My favorite gimmick when I was working 60 + hours per week was the discounted gym membership. Yeah... like I am going to make time to stop at the gym when I am working 5 twelve hour days per week.

I don't remember exactly the overtime incentive they had at the cell phone company I worked for, but yours sounds much better.

Sigma_Orionis wrote:And once again I have reached the conclusion that I am a simpleton. Because as far as I am concerned the only three things that will keep grunts like me "engaged" are:

1) Pay me a fair Salary
2) Don't make me do the work of three people routinely
3) Don't insult my intelligence with gimmicks

Since 1 and 2 are apparently "impossible" in the current economic situation. At least try to do #3. IMHO that drives people like me away faster than the other two.

Yes, with the emphasis on 1 and 2. And sorry but I'm tired of the bullshit from companies about # 1, since many are bringing in record profits and the execs are making big money. "Oh, but we have to satisify the shareholders" Fuck the shareholders, we'll stick their heads on polls right next to yours.

Happy Monday!

Swift wrote:

Sigma_Orionis wrote:And once again I have reached the conclusion that I am a simpleton. Because as far as I am concerned the only three things that will keep grunts like me "engaged" are:

1) Pay me a fair Salary
2) Don't make me do the work of three people routinely
3) Don't insult my intelligence with gimmicks

Since 1 and 2 are apparently "impossible" in the current economic situation. At least try to do #3. IMHO that drives people like me away faster than the other two.

Yes, with the emphasis on 1 and 2. And sorry but I'm tired of the bullshit from companies about # 1, since many are bringing in record profits and the execs are making big money. "Oh, but we have to satisify the shareholders" Fuck the shareholders, we'll stick their heads on polls right next to yours.

Happy Monday!

i will never forget the boss who informed us that workers don't want money; they want recognition. i probably shouldn't have asked why he thought that they were mutually exclusive.

[Office Space Mode]
You're a very baad person Mr. Mono
[/Office Space Mode]

Sigma_Orionis wrote:[Office Space Mode]
You're a very baad person Mr. Mono
[/Office Space Mode]

thank you!

was that worse than the time we were being berated for suspicious use of sick leave ('nearly 50% of sick days are mondays or fridays!') and i pointed out that nearly 50% of work days were mondays or fridays?

code monkey wrote:was that worse than the time we were being berated for suspicious use of sick leave ('nearly 50% of sick days are mondays or fridays!') and i pointed out that nearly 50% of work days were mondays or fridays?

Wow... That is right out of Dilbert. Literally. There was a Dilbert strip where the PHB berates people for being sick too often on Mondays and Fridays.

I recall hearing once that a large percentage of TV viewers believe that Stephen Colbert is serious. Makes me wonder if the same applies to Scott Adams.

Gullible Jones wrote:

code monkey wrote:was that worse than the time we were being berated for suspicious use of sick leave ('nearly 50% of sick days are mondays or fridays!') and i pointed out that nearly 50% of work days were mondays or fridays?

Wow... That is right out of Dilbert. Literally. There was a Dilbert strip where the PHB berates people for being sick too often on Mondays and Fridays.

I recall hearing once that a large percentage of TV viewers believe that Stephen Colbert is serious. Makes me wonder if the same applies to Scott Adams.

i know that scott adams gets quite a bit of material from people who write to share gems from their offices. (no, i've never written to him.) btw the 2 incidents i mentioned were at the same organization. the second was courtesy of hr.

code monkey wrote:

Sigma_Orionis wrote:[Office Space Mode]
You're a very baad person Mr. Mono
[/Office Space Mode]

thank you!

was that worse than the time we were being berated for suspicious use of sick leave ('nearly 50% of sick days are mondays or fridays!') and i pointed out that nearly 50% of work days were mondays or fridays?

Attitudes like that won't make you a happy person you know?

Sigma_Orionis wrote:
Attitudes like that won't make you a happy person you know?

is that my problem? ok, how's this -

i welcome my hr and executive overlords. nothing gives me greater pleasure than to carry out their every command.

strange. i don't feel any better.

code monkey wrote:

Sigma_Orionis wrote:
Attitudes like that won't make you a happy person you know?

is that my problem? ok, how's this -

i welcome my hr and executive overlords. nothing gives me greater pleasure than to carry out their every command.

strange. i don't feel any better.

That's because you lack engagement in the work place. There will probably be an employee work environment engagement consultant (EWEEC) coming to a work place near you any day now.

code monkey wrote:is that my problem? ok, how's this -

i welcome my hr and executive overlords. nothing gives me greater pleasure than to carry out their every command.

strange. i don't feel any better.

Of course not, it's supposed to make THEM feel better, not you

SciFiFisher wrote:That's because you lack engagement in the work place. There will probably be an employee work environment engagement consultant (EWEEC) coming to a work place near you any day now.

Oh my, time for some more Special High Intensity Training

Oh man this is good.

Why Employee Engagement Is Not Important (Yes, Really)

Error 503 on page

Looks like the inc.com site is having problems... Maybe the article was a bit too controversial

Looks like it's back up.

and i've just been granted an increase in my billing rate of ... $3 / hr. this was announced by someone in serious danger of dislocating his shoulder from patting himself on the back for his cleverness in managing this amazing feat until i stopped him (i'm really not interested in the internal workings of the company, eric) and the air of somene giving me the hope diamond. (anything more and the company would be losing money.) right. and the check's in the mail. well, as michael would have said, it's better than being hit in the face with a wet fish.

That's what bugs me the most. It's obvious that for whatever the reason: when it comes to priorities employees go last.

So why bother doing all the nonsense about "employees being our most valuable asset"?

Specially these days where supposedly "high unemployment" makes companies have their pick of personnel.

If you ask me, stupidity like that alienates people much more than anything else.

Sigma_Orionis wrote:That's what bugs me the most. It's obvious that for whatever the reason: when it comes to priorities employees go last.

So why bother doing all the nonsense about "employees being our most valuable asset"?

Specially these days where supposedly "high unemployment" makes companies have their pick of personnel.

If you ask me, stupidity like that alienates people much more than anything else.

I am going to assume you were not asking a rhetorical question.

The reason that companies play this game of "you are the most valuable asset" is that it costs almost nothing to play it and the gain in employee satisfaction and productivity makes it worthwhile. And it has nothing to do with being evil. It just boils down to simple pragmatics.

Enough employees are motivated by pats on the back that it makes it worth the effort to pat them on the back. So you have employee of the month, certificates of appreciation, or the "great job on that last server crash" accolades. Usually followed by "this is all your fault that Customer X is bailing on us because our employees aren't engaged in saving the companies A$$"

And studies have shown that if the environment is toxic enough you literally can't pay the best employees enough money to stay. So, most companies settle for creating an environment that is the least toxic with the least amount of resources expended. Again, simple pragmatism usually explains the outcome.

And that is why you get pieces of paper with your name on them and a parking space close to your office instead of raises or real authority make changes in your work environment.

Caveat: In some cases inertia, human nature, and true sociopathic tendencies create an environment where they decide that motivation is best accomplished by using Dilbert's management handbook. In those cases all bets are off and you are left with 4 options.
Option 1: Conspire with the rest of the cannon fodder to assassinate the pointy haired boss
Option 2: Become a collaborator and ensure your own survival. It's best if you enjoy watching others lose all hope.
Option 3: Use Option 1 to get your bosses job and enjoy torturing your minions until the inevitable day when they conspire to do you in.
Option 4: Quit your job and find a better one.

In a worse case scenario you may have no choice but to exercise a 5th option which is; cover your assets as best you can. Try not to attract anyone's attention. and wait until things improve or you can change your circumstances.