Gullible Jones wrote:@Swift, I didn't say it was. I don't work for MS; it's just that the degree of corporate doubletalk here blew me away.
Really? That seems to be pretty standard. The only thing that would surprise me is honesty and straight talk.
To All Employees:
You've probably noticed but we are losing boat-loads of money and have been for some time. Sure, Windows and Office are still racking in the cash, but the whole smart phone thing has been a cluster fuck. All those big California pension funds are screaming bloody, fucking murder about the stock prices and we can't let them tank any more. So, we're going to have to fire about 18,000 of you. Sure, it will save us a lot of cash. But more than that, it will give the appearance that we are really doing something, and as we all know, in this business (and most others) appearance is more important than substance, particularly when we are talking about share holders.
I know it sucks, but we estimate that you all spend about 5% of your day "networking" on LinkedIn and Facebook anyway, so hopefully you'll find something soon.
Now, we are going to try to ax about 13,000 of you within the next couple of weeks. We'd like to be more exact than that, but we can't be, since we don't have enough people in all of HR to handle all the fraking paperwork we're going to have to go through (yeah, we've been cutting corners in all those support services for years; why did you think it takes 4 weeks to get a new desk lamp).
We'll probably get rid of another 5000 of you later in the year, but we're not sure yet. I mean who can predict how the Market is going to respond to anything, its all just a big crap shoot. I know you'll spend the next 6 months thinking you're going to be one of the 5000, so fuck corporate, I'm just going to play minesweeper all day long, and our productivity will go in the toilet, but hell, we're going to get our bonuses anyway this year, for cutting overhead, so we'll don't really care either.
If you have any questions, you can try to ask your supervisor, but they don't know any more than you, so you're really just wasting your time.
Sincerely,
The Pointy Haired Boss