Managing people who aren't my direct reports

[pumpkinpi]

I'm having issues managing collaborators on three big projects for our new museum. I'm the lead on each of these projects but the people are all outside of our staff so I am not their supervisor. In fact, they are all in more prominent positions than me in their own field, and they seem to be having trouble understanding the authority of a silly little planetarium manager. They aren't even in positions of reporting to anyone above me. It's causing me a lot of stress right now, because it is impacting my ability to get things done--either because they are not delivering, or they are causing conflict because they don't like the way things are being done.

I know this is a common issue--many of you have probably dealt with it, but it's new to me. A couple are really frustrating because they seem to not be respecting that I am the ultimate decision maker, and are trying to go above me. I keep my superiors aware of what's going on and fortunately they have my back. My personality is that I would prefer to pass it along to them to take care of, but for my career's sake I need to take care of it myself. I also have to stay faithful to my organization, even if I at times agree with my collaborators. If their concerns were detrimental to our overall success I would speak up. But their issues are mainly things that could make us better if they were addressed, but we as an organization don't have the capacity to undertake now. Sometimes, things just are out of our control or we have to prioritize other issues.

[pumpkinpi]

Oh, and I forgot to mention. The two people causing conflicts are people I've known and worked with for over 10 years. I consider them friends, too.

I'm going to have to tell one to take a break from the project for now, and tell the other that we don't have a position for him. This really sucks.

[Thumper]

Reason # 752 why I never want to be a supervisor. People that can't take supervision.

Sorry, I don't have anything to help. Do the right thing for the project and the job. Keep emotions, vendettas or any paybacks out of it. No matter what, people will be upset with you. But if you do what you thought was right and appropriate every step of the way, they can't take that away from you.

[geonuc]

I was about to write something but then read your second post. Not good, two of them being friends. I do agree that you need to handle it yourself, not pass the responsibility to your superiors.

I will say that perhaps this should be in the 'other' BMR place, given the subject matter.

[SciFiFisher]

Yikes! Bad position all the way around.

[pumpkinpi]

Fortunately someone else will deal with the "firing" of one of the two.

It's been a rough week. I'm actually having trouble with my two reports, but those are minor, manageable issues.

I'm beginning to remind myself of the person who is having the same kind of trouble with multiple people, and is blaming them but not considering that the problem may be herself. I know my weaknesses, and am working on them. They could have contributed in some part to this.

[vendic]

Supervising in the workplace is very similar to being a parent from what I hear. You have to treat them like kids, in that you want what's best for them and will try to fit in their desires but ultimately what you say goes. They will naturally also try to check the boundaries, pit one boss against the other etc.
I've never been a parent but I have been in supervisory positions a lot. That's the general approach I take and it seems to work.

If there is anything that you're doing wrong, it is more likely that you are letting them get away with too much and then they learn to expect it and think you're a push over. My MIL has that problem and always seems to attract people that want to take advantage of her because she won't stand up for herself or be firm. She's just too nice basically. They literally ask to have her on their team then ultimately screw her over for their own gain. I'm not saying that is the problem here, and if it was, it's technically their problem, but you would need to not let them take advantage or you may end up owning it.
Something to think about anyway as I can see you in a similar situation. Yes, I'm saying you're really a nice person. lol

[code monkey]

a bit late to the party. however ...

has it been made clear to the 3 that you are, in fact, the lead on the project and therefore in charge?

do you suppose that it would help to sit down with the 2 you consider friends, separately, and ask just what in blue blazes is going on? explain that work is work and friendship is friendship but that they are holding the project up, making things very difficult, in general behaving in a totally unprofessional, inexcusable manner etc. ... and to please stop acting like that? but phrase it nicely.

[SciFiFisher]

I think, for me, this is one of the problems with work and friendship. It never seems to be very compatible. I have pretty much an almost life long practice of refusing to be friends with the people I work with. Even if they are just co-workers. I will be sociable. I will go out for lunch occasionally with one or two folks. I attend group functions. But, I almost never associate with the people I work with outside of work. If they become my supervisor or I become theirs it's not an issue. If they decide to start being an idiot at work it's not an issue. If they drop dead I usually check their wallet for cash... er I mean I look for an organ donor card.

[vendic]

Work friends can work out
I have a few really good friends that I met through work.
Two were my bosses. One of my best friends was my student when I taught engineering.
For me the trick was having the same mentality, work is work. When at work, it's completely about doing the job to the best of your ability, leave the politics, socializing and ego's elsewhere. If they can do that then I'm open to friendships outside of work but am wary. Oh, I have to be able to have fun at work and be able to not have that fun interfere with the job. They have to be the same.
I will say I have never found friends where the work relationship was roughly equal. IOW, if there is a larger disparity between positions it's easier for that not to get in the way at work. It is clear who is the boss and who isn't. Likewise, the bosses I have befriended left me to my work and didn't interfere. So if I said this is what needs to be done, it got done because that was the area I was in control regardless of their position over me. If I never got that kind of relationship going, I got frustrated and quit.
Oh, socially, we were all equal. End of story. None of this power play shit like in the movies.

That's how its worked out for me anyway and I'm in friends with my workplace colleagues for about half my life now, decades.

[Sigma_Orionis]

Never worked for me.

Two of my best friends became my bosses (at different times) It went so bad, that even now, years after it happened I am no longer in speaking terms with either of them. Of course, I could be the problem.

[vendic]

Well, you are a problem. Just not sure if you are in these cases.

I guess I have been lucky.

[Sigma_Orionis]

Well, you are a problem. Just not sure if you are in these cases.

I guess I have been lucky.

Well, I've been told that I have an attitude problem

[SciFiFisher]

Well, you are a problem. Just not sure if you are in these cases.

I guess I have been lucky.

Well, I've been told that I have an attitude problem

If it doesn't bother you it isn't YOUR problem.

[pumpkinpi]

So a lot has happened with respect to one of the two of these folks in the past year. It's weighed really heavy on me because I've pretty much lost a really good friend, and through some decisions I've had to make he is missing out on being a part of this museum.

I've found out that he's burned a lot of bridges. It's hard for me to accept, because of the great respect I've had for him professionally and personally. He is a wonderful person and extremely talented. But through this I've come to learn that no matter how great you think a person is, you can't overlook their faults. I think I'm finally going to be able to let this go.

[SciFiFisher]

That is sad. Unfortunately, people are people. They change. We change. Sometimes you grow apart. Sometimes you discover they were really A-holes all along.