BMR Medium

[SciFiFisher]

I have a co-worker who is super nice and nosy AF. What makes it worse is that she literally, practically, sits in my lap at the office. Office space is very cramped and there are 11 of us crammed into a largish room. My quad has two desks side by side and two back to back with each other. When we are on the phone it sounds like a mini tele-marketing center. The only thing missing are the heavy accents that sound like they might be Bangledeshi or Paki or Indian.

Anyhoo... This co-worker who sits right beside me constantly looks at EVERYTHING I am doing on my computer. And it is driving me whacko!! She constantly interjects and makes comments on literally EVERYTHING I am doing.

Today I put privacy screens on my computer monitors because she made the comment as I was adjusting them... "I can see everything you do no matter where you adjust them....te he he he. I am just messing with you."

Normally, I would have just looked her dead in the eye and said "You need to learn about boundaries." But, this is a world where I am expected to get along with my co-workers and be nice. I have tried the subtle approach and made "joking remarks" about her stuff not crossing the line between our desks. So... I have privacy screens. I am probably going to send my supervisor a letter strongly encouraging her to champion more office space for our group. I don't think that will work. I suppose I can try to find a better location somewhere in the building, push the person who occupies it in front of a bus, and put in my request for the vacant space.

[Thumper]

Well, that does kind of suck.

[geonuc]

Full retirement is also an option. I endorse that path.

[Thumper]

Another week like this one and full retirement will receive more serious consideration. This has sucked.

[SciFiFisher]

Full retirement is also an option. I endorse that path.

I am contemplating that option. Of course, officially FULL retirement is in about 4 years.

[Thumper]

I am contemplating as well. Full retirement (at least from ODOT) is whatever day I say it is. I've been having a very difficult time with the decision. This week has pushed the needle closer to "Get Out."

[code monkey]

fisher, I remember my parents telling me that it isn't what one says, it's how one says it. tell your nice, boundary lacking colleague that you find her 'messing with your head' to be irritating in the extreme. suggest that she practice custody of the eyes. in short, tell her to knock it off. but nicely. very nicely. jokes appear to go over her head so make it clear that you are absolutely serious. perhaps have this conversation away from your desks. (tell her that you have a matter to discuss with her and suggest that you go to the cafeteria for the discussion?) calling in your supervisor should be your last resort. face it, 4 more yrs (and doesn't *that* brings back memories?) of this and you'll be gibbering.

the decision to retire is a serious one and it has major consequences. it should not be made lightly, on the spur of the moment, because one has an annoying colleague or a bad boss. especially when one is so close.

good luck.

[Thumper]

I know I'm not taking it lightly, which is part of the reason it seems so hard. Every time I get serious about going, I perceive myself having some financial or other hardship and looking back on the moment I retired as a very selfish, foolish, reckless decision. Yet some people say I'm actually losing money by staying on longer than I need to. It's very troubling when it should be a comforting thought to know I can go at any time.

[SciFiFisher]

fisher, I remember my parents telling me that it isn't what one says, it's how one says it. tell your nice, boundary lacking colleague that you find her 'messing with your head' to be irritating in the extreme. suggest that she practice custody of the eyes. in short, tell her to knock it off. but nicely. very nicely. jokes appear to go over her head so make it clear that you are absolutely serious. perhaps have this conversation away from your desks. (tell her that you have a matter to discuss with her and suggest that you go to the cafeteria for the discussion?) calling in your supervisor should be your last resort. face it, 4 more yrs (and doesn't *that* brings back memories?) of this and you'll be gibbering.

the decision to retire is a serious one and it has major consequences. it should not be made lightly, on the spur of the moment, because one has an annoying colleague or a bad boss. especially when one is so close.

good luck.

Thank you. Good advice. One coping mechanism I have already employed is to schedule more time out of the office doing home visits. And then doing my documentation while I am still in the field. Portable WIFI and laptop supplied by my government employer to the rescue!

[SciFiFisher]

I know I'm not taking it lightly, which is part of the reason it seems so hard. Every time I get serious about going, I perceive myself having some financial or other hardship and looking back on the moment I retired as a very selfish, foolish, reckless decision. Yet some people say I'm actually losing money by staying on longer than I need to. It's very troubling when it should be a comforting thought to know I can go at any time.

There are ways you can estimate how much you would make if you retired now vs 5 years from now. One factor to consider is how long you reasonably can expect to live after you retire. In theory the longer you expect to live the longer you may want to consider sticking with the job. If suspect you might drop dead early then the sooner you take retirement the better.

[Thumper]

I'm also considering the survivabililty of my pension company. They've been trying to bust unions around here for years. Every day, more and more people around me are contractors that do not pay into the fund. Theoretically, my pension never runs out as long as I (and even Mrs. T) lives. Unlike a personal 401K account or like. But if the fund dries out, I can be screwed like so many other union retirees across the country. They're already starting to hint at balking on being able to provide health coverage in perpetuity. So one argument is to retire as soon as possible and start collecting as soon as possible while the money is there. It would really suck to work 10 more years, then retire to a reduced pension and no health insurance.

[code monkey]

I'm also considering the survivabililty of my pension company. They've been trying to bust unions around here for years. Every day, more and more people around me are contractors that do not pay into the fund. Theoretically, my pension never runs out as long as I (and even Mrs. T) lives. Unlike a personal 401K account or like. But if the fund dries out, I can be screwed like so many other union retirees across the country. They're already starting to hint at balking on being able to provide health coverage in perpetuity. So one argument is to retire as soon as possible and start collecting as soon as possible while the money is there. It would really suck to work 10 more years, then retire to a reduced pension and no health insurance.

is it possible to take a trip through the revolving door and become a cliché, as I did? if you recall - and i'm certain that you don't - after my former head of department settled the score that I didn't know that he had and laid me off I came back as a consultant. and pension-collecting Pfizer retiree.

[code monkey]

Thank you. Good advice. One coping mechanism I have already employed is to schedule more time out of the office doing home visits. And then doing my documentation while I am still in the field. Portable WIFI and laptop supplied by my government employer to the rescue!

fisher, let's try a gedanken experiment. let us imagine that your objectionable coworker behaved properly. (btw, how does she manage to get her work done if she spends so much time watching you work or is this simply another instance of my tax dollars at play?) under these conditions would you prefer to work in your office or in the field? now if confronting this fool cannot end well for you - she's the big boss's beloved niece, everyone else thinks that she's adorable etc. then don't do it. whether or not you'd prefer to stay in you'll lose by moving for it. take a deep breath, stay in the field and be glad that you have the option. and if you prefer the home visits, portable wifi and laptop supplied by the tax-paying public, you've got the best situation of all. and look into flexing hours.

[SciFiFisher]

Thank you. Good advice. One coping mechanism I have already employed is to schedule more time out of the office doing home visits. And then doing my documentation while I am still in the field. Portable WIFI and laptop supplied by my government employer to the rescue!

fisher, let's try a gedanken experiment. let us imagine that your objectionable coworker behaved properly. (btw, how does she manage to get her work done if she spends so much time watching you work or is this simply another instance of my tax dollars at play?) under these conditions would you prefer to work in your office or in the field? now if confronting this fool cannot end well for you - she's the big boss's beloved niece, everyone else thinks that she's adorable etc. then don't do it. whether or not you'd prefer to stay in you'll lose by moving for it. take a deep breath, stay in the field and be glad that you have the option. and if you prefer the home visits, portable wifi and laptop supplied by the tax-paying public, you've got the best situation of all. and look into flexing hours.

She apparently has good peripheral vision and no sense of boundaries. Just this morning she commented on a memo that was up on my screen. Hopefully, IT will get the privacy screens in soon. She thinks of it as being helpful but interestingly enough she scrounged privacy screens from the IT guy a few weeks back. Apparently, she doesn't want me to be helpful in return.

Part of my routine involves going out into the field and doing home visits with the veteran and caregivers of veterans. I really enjoy that part a lot so... it gives me an additional excuse to be out of the office. I also telework one day a week. I am hopeful that with space being at a premium I might be able to see that increased to two days a week eventually.

But, even if I am only in the office one day a week I find it very disturbing that she feels OK about invading my personal space to that extent. I have started pushing back on her a bit. Sadly, I have no real illusions about changing her behavior. Most people are very set in their habits.