FWIS3

I promised myself I would not do any further bitching about my annoying sister-in-law, but I cannot help myself. The latest:

Husband has been trying all summer to arrange a fishing trip to our camp in Canada with his middle brother and nephew since the nephew missed the big trip in May due to work. Finally came up with two possible weekends which he ran by the younger brother (with whom we own the camp and who is married to the ASIL.) Younger brother said he and his wife would be in camp for the one weekend, at the end of a week vacation there, and he thought that would be "fun." He could fish with his brothers and nephew. So nephew set to work trying to arrange that weekend off. It wasn't easy. He works at a major hospital in the Detroit area and everybody want to get out of town on weekends, so it was iffy. Husband talked to YB at least once during the next two weeks and told him they still hadn't settled on a date, as it depended on the nephew's work schedule.

Two weeks ago the nephew called to say he had the weekend off. Husband emailed his MB to confirm he could make that weekend, and figured he would call YB and tell him the plan after the weekend. (It was 4th of July weekend and we had husband's mother visiting the whole time.) But--MB and YB went golfing together over the weekend and on Monday YB called and said, "You have to reschedule. We have friends coming that weekend and there won't be room at the camp for you." Needless to say, Husband was hurt and a little angry but decided to chalk it up to a misunderstanding. Of course the nephew could not reschedule and it seemed the trip was off. But it occurred to us that maybe Husband could rent a cabin from friends who have a rental camp next door to our camp for the weekend. Husband called, arranged for a cabin and the trip was on. Of course it would cost us about $300 for the weekend instead of staying at our own camp for free but Husband was just happy to be able to take his nephew and MB fishing for the weekend.

Two days ago Husband called YB, just to let him know they would be there and that he would be coming by to get his boat and fishing gear. He thought YB would be happy that he had worked things out. Not so. Why? Because there were no friends coming and there never were. He made up the friends story simply because his wife, the ASIL, didn't want them in camp while she was there. Why did he lie? Because he knew how bad it would look. He has spent innumerable weekends at MB's house hunting geese, pheasant, deer, turkeys, etc. He (and my husband) were always welcomed with open arms, a soft bed, and great food. He felt free to bring along the ASIL's son or son-in-law or friends of his own. Both he and the ASIL have spent the night on a moment's notice both here and at the MB's house when he's had too much to drink to drive home. But the ASIL can't tolerate his two brothers and nephew for the 36 hours that their time there would overlap with her own. Husband and MB are not big drinkers and neither is the nephew. They pick up after themselves. And Husband even has his own bedroom there. We own half the camp, for god's sake!

YB tried to get Husband to cancel the rental cabin and stay in our camp. He said he felt terrible. Husband said there's no way he would cancel the cabin and stiff our friends, and , besides, now he knows the ASIL doesn't want them there. So they're headed for Canada this weekend and it's going to be awkward as hell when he goes to get his boat and gear. He just wants to totally avoid the YB and ASIL. I, on the other hand, cannot wait to see her. I've got a few things I'd like to say.

Wow. that is really fucked up.
give them both an earful IMHO.

Probably premature to consider... but have you considered buying out their half of the property? Or force them to buy you out at full market value?

Perhaps you may have reached a crossroads with ASIL. From this point on, you'll know and everyone one else will know what ASIL thinks of the rest of the family.

I agree with geonuc. There are some things relationships can't repair, and this might be one of them.

Also Jesus, I'm sure the family is upset at the younger brother too. I'm not excusing the SIL, but most people need an enabler to get away with such awful actions and she certainly has one.

Not having the old threads to review, I wonder is this the turning point? Is it finally "out" that she's a deceptive person, and you can move forward with being proactive about not seeing her?

gethen wrote:YB tried to get Husband to cancel the rental cabin and stay in our camp. He said he felt terrible. Husband said there's no way he would cancel the cabin and stiff our friends, and , besides, now he knows the ASIL doesn't want them there. So they're headed for Canada this weekend and it's going to be awkward as hell when he goes to get his boat and gear. He just wants to totally avoid the YB and ASIL. I, on the other hand, cannot wait to see her. I've got a few things I'd like to say.

Good that the YB feels terrible, he should. But I would not totally avoid the YB and the ASIL. I wouldn't hang with them, but I would not avoid them. I would do exactly what you need to do to get the boat and stuff, and would not avoid contact with them, but I would be as cool as an iceberg. Don't get angry, don't yell, don't give them that much social interaction. Be polite and cold. Let them stew in their own juices.

I'm with everyone else in hoping that this will be a crossroads, but I suspect she's enough of a manipulator that it won't be. Time will tell. Would love it if you update us after you've had words with her.

SciFi Chick wrote:I'm with everyone else in hoping that this will be a crossroads, but I suspect she's enough of a manipulator that it won't be. Time will tell. Would love it if you update us after you've had words with her.

I haven't talked to her since I didn't go on the fishing trip, but I got a text yesterday from my husband. SIL and YB apparently scrambled around and got a couple of friends to accompany them for the weekend, so I can see exactly how this will be played. She will say YB misunderstood her, they always intended to have these friends come for the weekend, and so on and so forth. She will lie, as always. But my husband knows the truth, as do both the MB and the YB, and of course, the MB's wife and myself. She may have limited the damage to us four. However, YB is not a habitual liar. This episode has clearly damaged his relationship with his brothers and he knows it. If nothing else, I'm hoping he will begin to look at his wife with a more skeptical eye.

As for me, I will continue to avoid her at every turn, and when I do see her, I'm going to make damn sure she knows that I know exactly how this went down and I will not be forgetting about it.

wow! you've made me appreciate mine. and michael's brother married some lulus.

i agree with swift; buy them out. and then be sure to change the locks.

even though asil was the instigator, yb was the one who lied.

thanksgiving dinner is going to be interesting this year.

I'd give the YB and ASIL a jar of vaseline and ask them to use it before fucking over anyone else.
If you're going to screw people around, at least minimise the pain, otherwise you're just plain nasty.

FZR1KG wrote:I'd give the YB and ASIL a jar of vaseline and ask them to use it before fucking over anyone else.
If you're going to screw people around, at least minimise the pain, otherwise you're just plain nasty.

You ARE in a mood today, ain'tcha???

FZR1KG wrote:I'd give the YB and ASIL a jar of vaseline and ask them to use it before fucking over anyone else.
If you're going to screw people around, at least minimise the pain, otherwise you're just plain nasty.

Don't forget to ask for a kiss. Why a kiss you ask? Because without the kiss you are just getting screwed.

SciFiFisher wrote:

FZR1KG wrote:I'd give the YB and ASIL a jar of vaseline and ask them to use it before fucking over anyone else.
If you're going to screw people around, at least minimise the pain, otherwise you're just plain nasty.

Don't forget to ask for a kiss. Why a kiss you ask? Because without the kiss you are just getting screwed.

This is why you and Z aren't allowed to play together... you aren't helping....

brite wrote:

SciFiFisher wrote:

FZR1KG wrote:I'd give the YB and ASIL a jar of vaseline and ask them to use it before fucking over anyone else.
If you're going to screw people around, at least minimise the pain, otherwise you're just plain nasty.

Don't forget to ask for a kiss. Why a kiss you ask? Because without the kiss you are just getting screwed.

This is why you and Z aren't allowed to play together... you aren't helping....

Actually, that did help. I read it to my husband last night and he was giggling about it for the rest of the evening.

Update: Husband said that YB had paid for the rental cabin himself by the time he arrived, and that YB also apologized to both him and the MB for what had happened. While it didn't make everything all right, it did go a good way towards easing the tension between the brothers. On the other hand, the SIL acted as if nothing had happened. She caught husband off guard with a big uncomfortable bear hug and chatted away at him as if they were good buddies. Husband said it was all he could do to not just push her away from him and leave. Since there were other people present, he gritted his teeth and took it.

I am most offended by the fact that, having been the cause of a rift between the three brothers, the SIL is the only one who doesn't feel bad about what happened. In her mind she has done nothing wrong and she expects to be treated as if that is the case. Husband said that the YB apologized and that was good, but that until the SIL apologizes, it's not over. And she is never going to apologize.

He did mention that the YB was very short with his wife every time he saw them over the weekend, and he hopes his brother is beginning to see the light. I won't hold my breath.

Good lord, this woman is sociopathic...

Don't know if I would call her sociopathic, but she does seem to have a pretty flexible standard for right and wrong, and she does not seem to take much responsibility for her actions. She talks a good story, but in practice she can be thoughtless and self-absorbed. What I find so disturbing is her ability to just forget what crap she's done to people, act like nothing has happened, and expect those people to just go along. If anyone publicly questions her words or actions, she giggles and acts like they must be kidding. And unless someone has been on the receiving end of one of her lies or such, they tend to think she's cute and harmless. Granted, her circle of believers is shrinking, but I have no desire to look like the bitch for publicly calling her out. I intend to follow Swift's advice and be polite but cool.

Organise a FWIS fry next year and I'll be sure to go.
Invite her.
It may not help but it may provide years of stories for you.