Why don't you let me off your website?

[Loresinger]

Posted today on FB:

Rant for Today: Why to websites ask you "are you sure you want to leave this page?"

Seriously and then they go on to give you a chance to recant your decision like it was some type of confession of sin.

Dear Website Owners:
...
If you're selling something that I find questionable or do not want, I will leave your site willingly, knowingly and without your guidance. If your page just plain sucks, same premise. I do not need a "nanny net" to guide me through this E-wilderness. I promise not to get lost, talk to trees, or pick up hitch-hikers. Ok, maybe I'll talk to trees but that's another topic.

The offers of "free" stuff with ridiculous shipping costs, or worse an auto refill system is disingenuous at best, incredibly slimy and potentially illegal at the worst. These sites leave me feeling like squirrel fodder and desperately in need of a bath. Um disclaimer: no squirrels were harmed in the writing of this post.

Turn off the buttons; turn off the crappy music (you do know that there are songs with understandable lyrics and no gimmicks right?). And by god the plaid color scheme HAS TO GO. It's a statement that says: "I need help tying my shoes in the morning, let alone effective web design"

- I don't want heels so high that I get nose bleeds
- I don't want food supplements that are "natural" but I cannot even pronounce them!
- I don't care about the next perfect diet - they don't work, they're too expensive and to be honest I'm rather fond of my fat.
- A "banner" should be the name of a hidden secret superhero not something splashed like paint on a wall (if you don't know the reference you're too damn young)
- Ads - ok I get you wanting your click money (my mother would have called it pin money) BUT by god watch your placement. Take a look at this if you think that you've got it right: http://www.boredpanda.com/worst-adverti ... ent-fails/. And if I have to read more than two ads just to get to your "information" - you're gone; toast; useless; and probably still live in your mother's basement.
- Don't allow comments on your website unless you're going to monitor them (people like me watch, wait and work on witty wordsmithing just for such an occasion).

I could ramble on but anything much over 700 words doesn't get read anyway. Didn't know that? Go back to marketing 101, and let me leave your website in peace.

[geonuc]

Ranting is good for you.

[SciFiFisher]

TANSTAAFL. There Ain't No Such Thing As a Free Lunch.


According to the occasional marketing article I read those annoying pop-ups and the desperate attempts to woo you with promises of sugar plums and dancing fairies actually work often enough to keep marketers using them.

That is all. We now return you to your regularly scheduled rant.

[Swift]

According to the occasional marketing article I read those annoying pop-ups and the desperate attempts to woo you with promises of sugar plums and dancing fairies actually work often enough to keep marketers using them.

Exactly. How much does such a stupid pop-up cost to create and maintain? 20 cents?

How much ROI do you need to make it worthwhile? If one person on the entire Internet clicked on your stupid ad, you have probably made money on it.

By the way, what exactly is a "sugar plum"?

[SciFiFisher]

According to the occasional marketing article I read those annoying pop-ups and the desperate attempts to woo you with promises of sugar plums and dancing fairies actually work often enough to keep marketers using them.

Exactly. How much does such a stupid pop-up cost to create and maintain? 20 cents?

How much ROI do you need to make it worthwhile? If one person on the entire Internet clicked on your stupid ad, you have probably made money on it.

By the way, what exactly is a "sugar plum"?

Once upon a time it denoted a large pile of money or an especially sweet (and expensive) treat.