FWIS3

In the morning we have the local news on in the bedroom, mostly to catch the weather for the day. Lately the kids have been coming in to watch it after they are ready to go and waiting for me. The past couple days there has been a story about a recent kidnapping/sexual assault/murder of a 5 year old girl. Of course, with the news, it's always in little snippets so you never can know what's coming and don't have time to get to the tv to change it before the story starts. So I just cringe when they end up watching it. But should I? This happens sometimes also when I am listening to public radio in the car. It frustrates me that I have to consider not listening to/watching news when they are around.

But should it? Should I just expose them to this naturally, and be ready to explain it if they as questions? To be honest, I don't get so upset when they see reports of shooting/murders. It's easy to talk about that. They understand death, and I can say there are bad people out there who think it's okay to take someone else's life, and that they will be punished. But with sexual assault it's different. I haven't talked with them about sex yet, so I don't want the first discussion about it to be in a negative light.

I know...I'm behind. Buster is almost 7. I knew what sex was already because I'd been reading this book since he was 3. Actually he might already know, but we haven't talked about it! I just need to get the book. My parents were awesome that they had it. I'm still a little unsure about whether I should get it for them at this age.

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9867 ... Come_From_

The most alarming thing in the OP: "Buster is almost 7."
When the heck did that happen?!

Seriously, Mrs. T. and I went through a cringe phase when things came on the radio, TV or movie screen that we didn't want her to see quite yet. Luckily (I guess), she's at the age where I don't have to worry about that anymore. She's probably seen or heard it before I have. But I do get your specific concern. You don't want to rush talking with your kids about something just so you can then explain a very negative aspect. It's a painful, disturbing thing to ponder. I can't pretend to give you meaningful advice on it. Just be ready to discuss openly and honestly any topic they have questions about. And let them know that it's always okay to ask questions.

I just wish the frank language or adult topics wasn't so pervasive. I mean I don't want to hide or hide The Kid from the world but does every other word have to be about 5ex? Some of the longer format shows, especially on NPR will have a warning up front if there is going to be mature or possibly disturbing content. Good luck.

I'm curious, as someone who isn't a parent, so there's no judgment in this question, but it seems to be a common theme, here in the U.S., to want to shield children from discussions of sex, but be just fine with violence. Why is that? Anyone who wants to answer can, or you can just ignore me, because I'm definitely not trying to antagonize anyone. I'm just genuinely curious.

SciFi Chick wrote:I'm curious, as someone who isn't a parent, so there's no judgment in this question, but it seems to be a common theme, here in the U.S., to want to shield children from discussions of sex, but be just fine with violence. Why is that? Anyone who wants to answer can, or you can just ignore me, because I'm definitely not trying to antagonize anyone. I'm just genuinely curious.

Truthfully, I shield(ed) my children from what I considered to be extreme violence. For example, the boy and I watched the first 3 minutes of a show called "Powers". In the opening scene a bunch of Policemen get shot and battered into pulps by a super strong mutant human. I turned and looked at him and said "this is really kinda gory. Do you think we should watch something else?" He was in full agreement.

I won't even let children watch your standard horror show such as Halloween or Nightmare on Elm Street until I am reasonably sure that they won't have nightmares and have a very strong understanding that movies like that are sort of like cartoons for adults who want to cure constipation.

As for sex. I have always believed that children should be aware that adults have it. I just don't believe that young children really need to see shows that are graphic enough for them to get the basic details down. I generally insist on watching PG rated shows when anyone under 30 is watching TV with us.

I was/am willing to discuss where babies come from. The Cabbage patch. Everyone knows the ugly ones come from there.

I was/am willing to discuss the fact that humans create other humans through an act called "sex". Again, I believe that most small children are quite ok with an explanation that goes something like "when two people love each enough they want to become a family. They do that by making babies. If mommy and daddy do it right the stork brings a cute baby. Again, the ugly ones come from the cabbage patch.

I don't mind the boy seeing an occasional boob or butt on television but I don't necessarily expose him to those shows as these days the soft porn level is pretty high. I really don't want him going to school and trying to demonstrate on one of his classmates. I do not need a visit from CPS!

I do try to shield my children from the ugly truth that humans can be evil. I don't/didn't raise them to think that they could trust everyone but I didn't share the worst news stories with them until they were old enough to understand better.

Unfortunately, one of the ways I do this is by not really watching/listening to the news when the boy is around.

Thanks for that explanation Fisher. I'm definitely glad I didn't have kids. It's a lot of work! LOL

Yeah, I was pretty shielded from violence as a kid too. No memory of the first WTC bombing or Waco, but the first one I was allowed to watch TV news for was the OK City bombing. Guess I was 9 years old then? And never watched anything really violent before then either TV or movie wise, my parents didn't want me waking them up in the middle of the night because of nightmares.

As for sex, we literally never ever had "the talk" in my house, as my mom figured you hear everything from your friends anyway. Which I guess saved us all some mutual awkwardness but I guess they had done something, as frankly my parents grossly overestimated how many friends I had to talk about such things as a kid. Soooo yeah.

My parents were pretty hands off, liberal. I can't imagine either of them having the sex talk with any of us three. As far as shielding from violence, I don't think that happened either. Mind you, growing up in the 50s and 60s, often in foreign countries, maybe offers no good life lessons to use in rearing todays kids in the US.

SciFi Chick wrote:Thanks for that explanation Fisher. I'm definitely glad I didn't have kids. It's a lot of work! LOL

There is a reason most parents look exhausted.

yes, you should. especially in the morning as your time for discussion/reassurance is, most likely, severely limited by the need to meet schedules. no, you can't/shouldn't shield them from everything but you should try to control how they learn about the awful things. the evening news? maybe. they'll have questions about things that they'll have heard from other children and you can always bing up the topics yourself.

Hmmm... I'm thinking my mom could have used some lessons. We had the sex talk when I was eight. I remember it vividly, so I'm thinking that wasn't such a good plan.

As to violence, she took me to see some pretty violent movies, but then we'd talk about them, and while I enjoy some good, cathartic violence in movies and television shows to this day, I've not been in a physical altercation since I was six years old, so maybe it doesn't matter as long as your parents explain it? Or maybe I'm just weirdly non-violent. LOL. I laugh because there are certain sets of circumstances in which I wouldn't even hesitate to take a life, assuming I had the ability. And I would feel no guilt over these circumstances. I feel very lucky that I've never been put in any of those situations. I just find it fascinating, in stories, when someone who is presumably good ends up killing, and they feel, what I consider and inordinate amount of guilt. But it's very easy to have all sorts of thoughts about things one hasn't had to face oneself.

Point is - I was scarred for life by Mom's sex talk, saw lots of violent movies, and I didn't turn into a slut or a serial killer (not that I have anything against sluts).

SciFi Chick wrote:Hmmm... I'm thinking my mom could have used some lessons. We had the sex talk when I was eight. I remember it vividly, so I'm thinking that wasn't such a good plan.


Point is - I was scarred for life by Mom's sex talk, saw lots of violent movies, and I didn't turn into a slut or a serial killer (not that I have anything against sluts).

It's kind of subjective. And it winds up being a judgement call for parents who are comfortable with all kinds of topics. For example, one of my daughters absolutely loves horror movies. It was almost impossible to stop her from watching them almost from the time she figured out that these type of movies existed. Even when she knew she might have a nightmare or two. In the end I just let her self regulate. She will almost never watch the really scary ones alone.

I also let my children play "violently". They were allowed to have toy guns and water guns. I also made a point of explaining the difference between real guns and toy guns. I still teach them not to shoot people in the face or the more delicate parts of the body with the toys.

They were allowed to watch reasonably violent shows. Mostly cartoon or anime. Have you ever watched an episode of Pokémon? The show glorifies teaching sentient beings to beat up other sentient beings under the direction of human trainers.

But, I always made a point of explaining to my children the difference between reality and pretend. I censored graphically violent movies until I felt they were old enough to understand that these too are a form of pretend.

A rousing nerf gun fight can be lots of fun. And there was the time that Brite armed all the children with water guns and set up a hasty ambush in the front yard. Boy was I surprised when I came home from work!

I will probably take the time to sit down with Poe and have "the talk about the birds and the bees" when he seems ready. I think about the age of 30 sounds right. <insert Ostrich Emoji>

My main attitude is that I am the adult and if I think it will be too much for a child to handle I do the adult thing and control the content and information flow. OTOH I also know that if you make things too mysterious and forbidden that you have just created a situation that is bound to fail. At the end of the day it sort of winds up being a combination of chance, parental judgement, the child involved, and what type of family you have. Because everyone should have that uncle who is like John Candy in Uncle Buck.