Swift wrote:A dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender "A pint of beer please".
The bartender goes, "Wow, that's amazing, you should join the circus"
The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"
FWIS3
In memory of our guiding lights - Russ, Mike and Charlie - “To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest”
Jokes
67 posts
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Re: Jokes
by SciFiFisher » Fri Aug 05, 2016 12:05 am
"To create more positive results in your life, replace 'if only' with 'next time'." — Author Unknown
"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward." — Vernon Law
"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward." — Vernon Law
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SciFiFisher - Redneck Geek
- Posts: 2491
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- Location: Sacramento CA
Re: Jokes
by Swift » Mon Aug 15, 2016 9:50 pm
My dog was licking his balls and my friend say "I wish I could do that".
I say, "Well.... OK, but maybe you want to give him a treat first; I mean he doesn't know you that well."
I say, "Well.... OK, but maybe you want to give him a treat first; I mean he doesn't know you that well."
Never, ever forget: we did this. This is what we can do.
In wilderness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
In wilderness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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Swift - Posts: 1993
- Joined: Wed May 29, 2013 2:40 am
- Location: At my keyboard
Re: Jokes
by Swift » Mon Aug 15, 2016 9:52 pm
This guy comes to the door the other day and asks for contributions for our local pool, so I give him a glass of water.
Never, ever forget: we did this. This is what we can do.
In wilderness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
In wilderness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
Swift - Posts: 1993
- Joined: Wed May 29, 2013 2:40 am
- Location: At my keyboard
Re: Jokes
by SciFiFisher » Mon Aug 15, 2016 11:43 pm
Swift wrote:This guy comes to the door the other day and asks for contributions for our local pool, so I give him a glass of water.
"To create more positive results in your life, replace 'if only' with 'next time'." — Author Unknown
"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward." — Vernon Law
"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward." — Vernon Law
-
SciFiFisher - Redneck Geek
- Posts: 2491
- Joined: Mon May 27, 2013 5:01 pm
- Location: Sacramento CA
Re: Jokes
by SciFiFisher » Mon Aug 15, 2016 11:43 pm
Swift wrote:My dog was licking his balls and my friend say "I wish I could do that".
I say, "Well.... OK, but maybe you want to give him a treat first; I mean he doesn't know you that well."
That's Awesome! Has anyone told you that you are sick and twisted lately?
"To create more positive results in your life, replace 'if only' with 'next time'." — Author Unknown
"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward." — Vernon Law
"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward." — Vernon Law
-
SciFiFisher - Redneck Geek
- Posts: 2491
- Joined: Mon May 27, 2013 5:01 pm
- Location: Sacramento CA
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Sigma_Orionis - Resident Oppressed Latino
- Posts: 3318
- Joined: Mon May 27, 2013 2:19 am
- Location: The "Glorious Socialist" Land of Chavez
Re: Jokes
by Swift » Mon Aug 29, 2016 2:07 am
Since the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk, it's one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Never, ever forget: we did this. This is what we can do.
In wilderness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
In wilderness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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Swift - Posts: 1993
- Joined: Wed May 29, 2013 2:40 am
- Location: At my keyboard
Re: Jokes
by SciFi Chick » Fri Sep 09, 2016 10:08 am
Swift wrote:My dog was licking his balls and my friend say "I wish I could do that".
I say, "Well.... OK, but maybe you want to give him a treat first; I mean he doesn't know you that well."
"Do not speak badly of yourself, for the warrior that is inside you hears your words and is lessened by them." -David Gemmel
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SciFi Chick - Information Goddess
- Posts: 2498
- Joined: Mon May 27, 2013 4:04 pm
Re: Jokes
by Swift » Mon Nov 07, 2016 10:40 pm
I just purchased one of these t-shirts
Never, ever forget: we did this. This is what we can do.
In wilderness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
In wilderness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
Swift - Posts: 1993
- Joined: Wed May 29, 2013 2:40 am
- Location: At my keyboard
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Sigma_Orionis - Resident Oppressed Latino
- Posts: 3318
- Joined: Mon May 27, 2013 2:19 am
- Location: The "Glorious Socialist" Land of Chavez
Re: Jokes
by code monkey » Tue Nov 08, 2016 2:34 am
well, that was painful. and I want one. (dare I point out that those aren't bonds? didn't think so.)
and still i persist in wondering whether folly must always be our nemesis. edgar pangborn
come gentle night. come loving black browed night
give me my romeo. and when he shall die
take him and cut him out in little stars
and he will make the face of heaven so fine
that all will be in love with night
and pay no worship to the garish sun. william shakespeare
come gentle night. come loving black browed night
give me my romeo. and when he shall die
take him and cut him out in little stars
and he will make the face of heaven so fine
that all will be in love with night
and pay no worship to the garish sun. william shakespeare
-
code monkey - Posts: 1166
- Joined: Wed May 29, 2013 7:41 am
Re: Jokes
by Swift » Tue Nov 08, 2016 4:26 am
geonuc wrote:You are such a fucking nerd.
Thank you.
code monkey wrote:well, that was painful. and I want one. (dare I point out that those aren't bonds? didn't think so.)
https://www.etsy.com/listing/464473932/porcupane-porcupene-porcupyne-t-shirt?ref=hp_rv
Never, ever forget: we did this. This is what we can do.
In wilderness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
In wilderness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
Swift - Posts: 1993
- Joined: Wed May 29, 2013 2:40 am
- Location: At my keyboard
Re: Jokes
by Gullible Jones » Sat Nov 12, 2016 2:03 am
Hah! That is fantastic.
A CHICKEN IN EVERY POT * A CAR IN EVERY GARAGE * A TACO TRUCK ON EVERY CORNER
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Gullible Jones - Boy Genius
- Posts: 1902
- Joined: Mon May 27, 2013 2:54 am
Re: Jokes
by Swift » Wed Jan 11, 2017 3:07 pm
I just came up with this variant of an old classic:
How do you know Donald Trump is lying? His thumbs are moving.
How do you know Donald Trump is lying? His thumbs are moving.
Never, ever forget: we did this. This is what we can do.
In wilderness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
In wilderness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
Swift - Posts: 1993
- Joined: Wed May 29, 2013 2:40 am
- Location: At my keyboard
Re: Jokes
by code monkey » Wed Jan 11, 2017 9:50 pm
Swift wrote:I just came up with this variant of an old classic:
How do you know Donald Trump is lying? His thumbs are moving.
thanks for a much-needed laugh.
and still i persist in wondering whether folly must always be our nemesis. edgar pangborn
come gentle night. come loving black browed night
give me my romeo. and when he shall die
take him and cut him out in little stars
and he will make the face of heaven so fine
that all will be in love with night
and pay no worship to the garish sun. william shakespeare
come gentle night. come loving black browed night
give me my romeo. and when he shall die
take him and cut him out in little stars
and he will make the face of heaven so fine
that all will be in love with night
and pay no worship to the garish sun. william shakespeare
-
code monkey - Posts: 1166
- Joined: Wed May 29, 2013 7:41 am
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