FWIS3

First guy: "I didn't have sex with my wife before we married, did you?"
Second guy: "I don't know, what was her maiden name?"

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see."

She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."

The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

brite wrote:Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

It's actually not a real story. Just a joke. Still funny though.
It would be really bad if it was a true story.

I know... But you have to tell it as a traditional "no shit... There I was" story.... Quit being so damned literal, and go stand in the corner with Fisher!

We're been in the corner drinking beer. Why do you think we're like this?

FZR1KG wrote:We're been in the corner drinking beer. Why do you think we're like this?

And people wonder why I think that you two are twins that have been separated at birth....

Beer? And here I thought that Fisher was more partial to Bourbon.......

Sigma_Orionis wrote:Beer? And here I thought that Fisher was more partial to Bourbon.......

Jack is my friend. Beer is more like acquaintance that I might admit knowing.

There are three types of people in the world:
- Those who start lists
- Those who finish....

Swift wrote:There are three types of people in the world:
- Those who start lists
- Those who finish....

Heh...
Ask CM to tell you about her shirt...

highway sign on route 80 in pennsylvania -

seatbelts required for the next million miles

My wife accused me of being immature.

I told her to get out of my blanket fort.

On average, every human has one testicle and one ovary.

Saw this one on twitter:

How many Nobel laureate physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, apparently.

Very good one

geonuc wrote:Saw this one on twitter:

How many Nobel laureate physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, apparently.

What's the difference between a geologist and a pigeon?

The pigeon can usually manage to make a deposit on a new car.

Told to me by a professional geologist. He also explained what a a monocline is. Interesting guy.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a MiCrohn'sian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans... walk into a fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry" says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group. "But you can't come in here without a Thai".

that is just terrible

Loresinger wrote:that is just terrible

says the woman who started a pun fest on Facebook.

SciFiFisher wrote:

Loresinger wrote:that is just terrible

says the woman who started a pun fest on Facebook.

who would know better?

SciFiFisher wrote:

Loresinger wrote:that is just terrible

says the woman who started a pun fest on Facebook.

Good thing I never get punny....