FWIS3

40 yrs ago today I married a wonderful, talented man. a chemist, writer, amateur astronomer and paleontologist. a kind, patient father. good-looking, i'll be boiled in oil if I can figure out what he saw in me. death took our wonderful son almost 9 years ago and it took Michael the year after. I've observed this day, as I do all of those days with peanut butter and a few drinks. this year it was some red box wine. several years old but not bad. really not bad at all and I generally prefer white wine as the reds seem a bit harsh. at least at the beginning. I don't know why people sneer at it. of course if one drinks 5 days a yr, one cannot be said to have any sort of a palate. I am, however, high as a kite. and have been. I miss you, Michael. I always thought that i'd go first. that's why I told you to please remarry. after a suitable time, of course. and to choose carefully. and to not give her all of my jewelry all at once. I have no blood relative who made it out of his/her 70's and look at yours. not fair. not right. you and Elliot. I miss you both.

I'm not crying, you are. I miss Michael. He brought so much to the conversation. He was amazingly intelligent. And unlike some very intelligent people, he was incredibly kind. I shall raise a toast to him. Happy(?) Anniversary.

I just read the original post and was struck by what a good writer your friend is. Parsimonious, effortless. Made me remember Mike.

I really have no words to offer, but imagine some arranged into a heart shape.

@cm

Aye. I wish he were still here. Trust me though - he saw a lot in you. You are worthy and then some.

virtual hugs if you want them, sympathies always

thanks, guys.

fisher, I wrote and posted a response to your kind words yesterday and I don't know what happened. i'm sorry. you're right, Michael was kind. while he was capable of anger he was most often appalled and saddened by the bad actions of others. and as I write this I remember something his classmates said about Elliot - he could make his point without being mean.

yes, smart and funny. creative. and he could fix anything. and I miss him.

I know I can't possibly miss him more than you Mr. Mono. But, I miss him too.

I just feel fortunate I was able to meet him.

Sometimes, I wear the hat, the XOFnewshat

Sigma_Orionis wrote:I know I can't possibly miss him more than you Mr. Mono. But, I miss him too.

sigma, there are things that one can weigh, count or measure and there are those that one cannot. I am not bothered to hear you say that you miss him. even if you were to say that you really miss him. a lot.

Thumper wrote:I just feel fortunate I was able to meet him.

and he was very happy that he got to meet you.

today's the anniversary of Michael's birth. 2 days ago it was Elliot's. (yom kippur in between - the triple whammy!) guys, I miss you so much. I am marking this day, as I always do, with peanut butter sandwiches (smooth for you, Elliot and crunchy - actually *extra* crunchy - for you, Michael) and a few drinks. it's now box wine - black box cabernet sauvignon. I have no idea where it came from. not quite as good as 3 buck chuck but drinkable. if family tradition continues I've got another 5 years.

Na twoje zdrowie

Love to you.

I am sending hugs your way CM.

Sending hugs as well Mr. Mono

thanks, guys. for some reason, my wedding anniversary has never hit me the way the other days have. so i'll get through the jahrzeits and that'll be it for the year.

btw, I was told by someone who knows wine that black box isn't bad (implicit in his evaluation was 'for a box wine') and that since it was in a sealed plastic bag, o2 was kept out. of course that had me wondering about just what was being leached out of the bag.

my dear friends -

I will forever be grateful to you for the kindness and acceptance that you've shown me. I think that i'm using this thread as a place that I go to on the anniversaries to have a bit of a tantrum and talk to Michael and Elliot. I am very grateful to y'all for permitting this. I know that you all loved Michael and miss him and I would not want any of you to feel under an obligation to me because of that. what i'm trying to say is please don't feel that you need to write a message of support or even read these posts.

cm

8 years ago today Michael died. I've only recently realized what a gift he gave me when, as he was getting that last transfusion of platelets, he grabbed my hand and asked me to promise him just 1 thing. of course. anything. when all of this is over, scatter my ashes on Elliot's grave. oh, you want to be cremated. brilliant and quick on the takeup as usual. i'd really fallen apart when we had to decide what to do after Elliot died. you saved me from having to make that decision then. you said that we should take him to ny so that he would be with his grandparents and great-grandparents, including my grandmother for whom he is named. that made my mother so happy. and you took care of that decision again.

you and Elliot would have hated what's been going on for the last 4 years. i'm far too selfish to say that i'm glad you were spared seeing it. besides, you both could turn anger into inspiration. it's ironic in that after you died I worked hard to set up(and follow) a schedule that required that I get dressed in street clothes and out of the house every day of the week. it became 2nd nature. now that our venal moron current president has allowed, if not encouraged, covid to run free, staying in is the sensible thing and I know that it will be an effort to get myself going again. last sunday I went to the grocery store (6am) for the first time in 8.5 weeks and I had to push myself to go.

I miss you so much.

*offers hugs, as always*

I miss Mike especially this year TBH. His righteous anger and the way he understood my POV, his sense of humor. The way he'd seriously and thoughtfully critique my awful, awful early writings. Y'all know my dad is abusive and like... Mike showed me a bit of what having a decent father was like. Sounds cliche but there you go, and I'm grateful for that and grateful for him.

Wish I'd gotten a chance to talk with Elliot, too. He sounded like a good soul, and wise beyond his years.

So sorry, cm. Big hugs from me too.

I too have missed mike because I sure could have used some XOF bulletins from him on the past year's events to lighten things up. And to talk stars. Pretty sure he'd be the sort of person to read all my science papers and then ask insightful questions about them even though it's not his field at all.

thanks, guys. black box cabernet does lose a bit after several yrs but is still quite drinkable. I don't have enough left for our anniversary and will move onto leftovers from my parents' liquor cabinet.

can you imagine the xof posts Michael would have made this past year? and the drawings? that's how we met. when I started graduate school I saw drawings for comic book covers - the adventures of chem man all over the department, found out who'd done them and called on him. yes, he could draw and nothing like someone idiotic to inspire him.

So many anniversaries of things that make us cry with tears of remorse for those we have lost. Yet, we can never wish for amnesia lest we forget the joy they brought us.

SciFiFisher wrote:So many anniversaries of things that make us cry with tears of remorse for those we have lost. Yet, we can never wish for amnesia lest we forget the joy they brought us.

beautifully said, fisher. and yes, i am furious with myself for every time i was short with them. but from time to time i'll have a memory of something wonderful, something funny or touching or just something and i can see and hear it as though it were happening again.

To this day I often recall conversations that happened decades ago and wish that I had behaved better or been a better person. And not all of those involved have passed on. But, the memories of the ones who are bite a bit more.

Late to the party. Sorry 'bout that. Hope you feel a bit better Mr. Mono.