XOF News

[grapes]

XOF Oopsies



XOF apologizes for placing Burns, Oregon, in Washington State. We were thinking about our childhood in Walla Walla WA the entire time.

XOF regrets not realizing the importance of the occupation at Malheur Wildlife Refuge, and not following up on coverage of such an earthshaking event. BTW, what are their occupations?

XOF wonders what we were thinking with wallet chains and shutter shades. But we'll defend socks with sandals to the death.

[grapes]

XOF ENTRAINMENT TONIGHT




SAMUEL L. JACKSON SAYS TRUMP CHEATS AT GOLF, Trump gets seven-point bump in polls

PETA FIGHTS FOR COPYRIGHT FOR MACAQUE MONKEY SELFIE, judge flings poo at them

MISSOURI TO SAY LOBBYISTS HAVE TO DECLARE SEX WITH LAWMAKERS, filings up 38%

[grapes]

XOF WAXING NOSTALGIC




Madame Tussaud's famous museums have announced a traveling exhibit, that they are calling the Bernie Sanders Presidential Campaign. As usual it features historic figures in realistic poses, involved in culturally significant activities. The roadshow includes hippies, socialists, idealists, beatniks (yes!) and even a few liberal democrats. All faithfully represented and forever preserved. O this seemed like such a better idea when it wasn't down on paper

[grapes]

XOF X-CLUSIVE



Qualifications for President:

Bernie Sanders - Life experience

Hillary Clinton - Interned under Bill Clinton

Donald Trump - Never been fired

Jeb Bush - Legacy application

Rand Paul - Name recognition

Ted Cruz - Texan

Michelle Obama - Status quo

[Swift]

XOF X-CLUSIVE



Qualifications for President:

Bernie Sanders - Life experience

Hillary Clinton - Interned under Bill Clinton

Donald Trump - Never been fired

Jeb Bush - Legacy application

Rand Paul - Name recognition

Ted Cruz - Texan

Michelle Obama - Status quo

Carly Fiorina - Shot a man, just to watch him die.

Chris Christie - Healthy as a Philly cheesesteak, friendly as a New Yorker, smells better than Jersey City.

[grapes]

Carly Fiorina - Shot a man, just to watch him die.

Because this is Texas?
http://www.mystatesman.com/news/news/st ... ecognition

[code monkey]

Chris Christie - Healthy as a Philly cheesesteak, friendly as a New Yorker, smells better than Jersey City.

the first is spot-on. I cannot speak to the last as I've never been in jersey city. however, new yorkers are very friendly so I think that it would be a good idea to come up with a replacement for the 2nd.

cm, native new yorker

[Swift]

Chris Christie - Healthy as a Philly cheesesteak, friendly as a New Yorker, smells better than Jersey City.

the first is spot-on. I cannot speak to the last as I've never been in jersey city. however, new yorkers are very friendly so I think that it would be a good idea to come up with a replacement for the 2nd.

cm, native new yorker

I'm a native New Yorker too, so I'm allowed to make that joke. But yes, it's a stereotype, but yes, this is XOF.

For all I know, Jersey City is now a paradise here on Earth, but I had a summer job at a paint company there in 1978, and it didn't smell too good back then. Actually, the worst was Linden, NJ, but I didn't think anyone would know of it. Exxon has their big refinery there. And right at the toll plaza for the Turnpike at Exit 13, there used to be a meat packing plant. I recall going through there in the middle of the summer, waiting at the toll plaza to get on the Turnpike, and the combo of the refinery and the meat packer was enough to kill a zombie.

[grapes]

XOF (O SO NOW IT'S) PERSONALS




PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, seeks new mate, must have own baggage. Contact Shrill at XOF#463215

FILM AWARDS ACADEMY, looking for clues, why is it so hard? If you can help, donate to our Young Auteurs fund today.

SWM, what the fuck happened while I was sleeping? Where am I? Wait, life's still good, join me in the journey? Contact Everyman at XOF#173952

POLICE DEPARTMENT, major metropolitan city, accepting applications from idealistic, culturally sensitive, clear thinking, fascists. Can provide own references.

[grapes]

XOF ARCHIVE



viewtopic.php?f=22&t=33#p271

MOVE OVER TEQUILA, CHINESE FIREWATER HEADS TO US
http://www.denverpost.com/entertainment ... r-heads-us

"I thought it tasted like paint-thinner and felt like a liquid lobotomy," said Michael Pareles, manager at the U.S. Meat Export Federation in Beijing. "However, like many other things in China, I eventually grew to like it."

Baijiu Gets Closer: Things That Taste Like Purple
http://www.vogue.com/13376846/baijiu-co ... se-liquor/

[code monkey]

Chris Christie - Healthy as a Philly cheesesteak, friendly as a New Yorker, smells better than Jersey City.

the first is spot-on. I cannot speak to the last as I've never been in jersey city. however, new yorkers are very friendly so I think that it would be a good idea to come up with a replacement for the 2nd.

cm, native new yorker

I'm a native New Yorker too, so I'm allowed to make that joke.

not that one and not in connection with chris christie, new jersey's version of Donald trump.

"

But yes, it's a stereotype, but yes, this is XOF.

as for stereotypes, note that I am perfectly happy to let nj be described by the sulfur belt.

[grapes]

Walla Walla WA.... made famous by Looney Tunes.

Huh, I always thought it was the onions...

Those and this Little Giant Vacuum Cleaner Company. There are actually a number of references to Walla Walla Washington in Looney Tunes.

I was reminded yesterday of this little ditty:
"Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!"

[code monkey]

Walla Walla WA.... made famous by Looney Tunes.

Huh, I always thought it was the onions...

Those and this Little Giant Vacuum Cleaner Company. There are actually a number of references to Walla Walla Washington in Looney Tunes.

I was reminded yesterday of this little ditty:
"Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!"

don't we know archaic barrel
lullaby lilla boy, Louisville lou?
trolley molly don't love Harold
boola boola pensacoola hullabaloo!

bark us all bow-wows of folly
polly wolly cracker 'n' too-do-loo!
donkey bonny brays a carol
antelope cantaloupe, 'lope with you!

...

walt kelly we need you!

[Swift]

[grapes]

XOF SUPER BOIL




Super Bowl Sunday is 7 Feb 2016 (Panthers, Broncos, BTW). The NFL is going all out with Super Bowl 50 (including ditching Roman numerals, which our correspondent told us was an attempt to avoid future embarrassment with SB LIX), since it's the "golden" super bowl, as gold is traditionally associated with the 50th anniversary. They even held it in the "Golden State" of California. San Francisco's Levi's Stadium is the most connected stadium in the NFL, with more cell towers, repeaters, and wi-fi than anywhere else, and they've added a lot more in these weeks leading up to the Super Bowl. XOF is concerned about the focusing effect of the stadium bowl, especially on birds flying over the stadium. If a golden eagle falls out of the sky and lands inert at the fifty yard line during the intense selfie frenzy at half time, don't assume it was a planned part of the festivities. You'll know why it really happened.



(Editor notes: The above article was apparently posted surreptitiously by an non-employee that we caught skulking around our computers. We sequestered them in a quiet back room and gently persuaded them to reveal their intent. Unfortunately, they succumbed to a pre-existing condition, but not before divulging that the 'dead eagle' is actually a plot by the NFL to justify restrictions on personal devices at football games, to better protect their brand. Anyone who wants to claim the body can do so at TB34 on Kertsde Street, before next Tuesday.)

[Swift]

What is this about eagles on Superb Owl Sunday?

[grapes]

XOF SCOOPED





XOF has just had copy ripped from their hands, and printed in national media. A 29 year-old Renton WA man goes drunk to theater to watch 13 Hours, accidentally discharges his legal carry weapon into back of seat of another, who goes to hospital in serious condition.

http://kutv.com/news/nation-world/polic ... s-shooting

TV didn't kill movies, VHS didn't kill movies, DVDs didn't kill movies, streaming vid didn't kill movies, guns don't kill movies...

[grapes]

XOF MAIL PRIVILEGE




XOF special investigator Chloë Zowie

[vendic]

XOF SCOOPED





XOF has just had copy ripped from their hands, and printed in national media. A 29 year-old Renton WA man goes drunk to theater to watch 13 Hours, accidentally discharges his legal carry weapon into back of seat of another, who goes to hospital in serious condition.

http://kutv.com/news/nation-world/polic ... s-shooting

TV didn't kill movies, VHS didn't kill movies, DVDs didn't kill movies, streaming vid didn't kill movies, guns don't kill movies...

I've often asked CCP holders where their gun is pointing while at the movies. "in a safe direction at all times..."

[Thumper]

Super Bowl Sunday is 7 Feb 2016 (Panthers, Broncos, BTW).

On paper not necessarily the hardest guess, but still prophetic none the less?

[grapes]

Super Bowl Sunday is 7 Feb 2016 (Panthers, Broncos, BTW).

On paper not necessarily the hardest guess, but still prophetic none the less?

Or just wishful thinking. I've domiciled in both states for almost all my "adult" life. Still, the Panthers were an easy pick, and the Broncos just had to make sure and show up.

XOF POLL




Is the blog post below a parody?
a) you gotta be shitting me
b) duh
c) don't you recognize fine writing?
d) stunned
e) my kinda people!
f) don't click on links in XOF

http://lastbestnews.com/site/2016/01/pr ... king-coal/

[Thumper]

C?

[Sigma_Orionis]

A

[vendic]

a

[grapes]

XOF MAIL PRIVILEGE




XOF special investigator Chloë Zowie

Chloë Zowie was to have reported that we've finally learned how to pronounce David Bowie's last name. It rhymes with snowy. It does not rhyme with Jim Bowie of the Alamo, nor with JD Salinger's novelette Zooey (never trust an agent). And neither with Howie Mandel/Long.