XOF News

[Thumper]

That's still a good average.

[grapes]

XOF Words To Live By



Excerpts from the new book by Samba de Unanota, translated by George Strait (the other one):

Hindsight is always 50-50

No pain, no pain

There's no "OMG I'm not doing that" in "bungee jumping"

Ignore anyone who eats "lite"

I have nothing to offer but blood, tears, sweat, vomit, piss and shit. OK, and musus

[grapes]

XOF Breaking




In an emergency session of the US Congress, the House of Representatives quickly impeached Donald Trump and Mike Pence, and the Senate convicted them. Paul Ryan is now President of the United States of America. When asked for comment, Nancy Pelosi replied, "Shit. So close." Millions of Americans will take Monday off, and spend the day deleting pro-Trump posts in Facebook and tweets in Twitter. "Nobody wants to be associated with that loser."

[Thumper]

It could be worse.

[Rommie]

Never thought about that! I actually wonder what would happen in this case. I guess Paul Ryan would just remain in power until 2020? Lordy.

Incidentally, one weird thing that came out of the Comey getting fired thing is I now say "Lordy" a bit more. In the context of "Lordy, I hope there are tapes" I guess.

[grapes]

XOF At the Movies

https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandso ... gh-securit

The entomologist who runs the lab is "excited." They're releasing an animal with a gmo gene drive in a "controlled" environment, and the animal is famous for sticking its infected nose into peoples' business

What could possibly go wrong?

[grapes]

XOF Minding Our Own Business, That's What




Yesterday, Donald Trump was asked about the extensive field of Democratic opponents. He said, "I think they're getting most of their publicity bump from my tweets. A couple years ago, no one knew anything about them. I didn't even know what a Democratic Party was, until I ran for President. Dismalcrats."

[grapes]

XOF Maclunkey the News



Trying to get in front of Elizabeth Warren's anti-monopoly push, Mark Zuckerberg announced that the popular social media company will be split into three parts: facebook, FACEBOOK, and bookface.

Hockey announcer Don Cherry fired for immigration rant, files outrageous suit

Jimmy Carter responds to Donald Trump's tweetbrag about his presidency: "OK boomer"

Season two of Netflix (Tom Clancy's) Jack Ryan, is set in a fictional South American country called Venezuela

[Sigma_Orionis]

[grapes]

XOF OK Boomer

[Sigma_Orionis]

[grapes]

XOF Fashion Since





Our XOF roving fashion reporter has uncovered a plot couture that has its amazing origins in secret GOP meetings held in Las Vegas seven years ago. They decided to position their monetary clout behind yoga pants, and the result was a spectacular success. It made them rich, and helped bankroll the Trump steamroller. But why yoga pants? Was it a savvy investment, or just typical GOP lech? Surprisingly, neither. Unofficial records of the meeting show that the original intent was to promote codpieces, but it was thought that the public reaction would be severe. But first softening dress codes by backing yoga pants eventually would lead to other more revealing attire. So, there you have it! Yoga pants were a backdoor way of introducing the now popular codpieces.

[grapes]

XOF WTFJH



XOF apologizes for the too-early publication of the Fashion Since release. It was slated for early July, 2021. XOF regrets the error.

[grapes]

XOF WTFJH



XOF apologizes for the too-early publication of the Fashion Since release. It was slated for early July, 2021. XOF regrets the error.

Still waiting.

I know codpieces will fly off the shelves

[grapes]

XOF NEWS EWE EWES


...

XOF REVEALS NAME OF NEXT DR. WHO ACTRESS ON SUNDAY, oops, we've said too much

XOF apologizes for the lapse of judgement in exposing this press release four years too early.

[Thumper]

[grapes]

XOF In Arrears



Wow, do we have a lot of catching up to do.

COVID-19, what the hell was that? We've been under relative quarantine for six months, and we haven't yet seen the 21st century equivalent of Newton's calculus? What are our mathematicians doing with their spare time?

O sure, we have this:
https://www.quantamagazine.org/new-geom ... -20200625/
But is that enough? C'mon people, break loose a little.

[SciFiFisher]

XOF news is too realistic.

[grapes]

XOF FRESH OUT




RNC RUNS THE NUMBERS, decides to gamble it all, expand their tent, and invite everyone in under the fringe

SUBURBIA THINKS ABOUT IT, they have time

DAVID HOROWITZ DECIDES TO GO BACK TO HIS ROOTS, I can't ... I just can't ...

BEN HOROWITZ GIVES HIS DAD SOME MONEY TO GET BY, ok, that changes things

ELDRIDGE CLEAVER'S ESTATE SUES FOR A CODPIECE OF THE ACTION, their line of nad fashion was known as "Cleavers" in the 70's

[grapes]

XOF NEWS OOOF




TRUMP CALLS BIDEN CREEPY, firmly establishes the USA as the world's old weird uncle

WORKERS TAKING ON SECOND AND THIRD JOBS, physicians not seeing enough sick people since quarantine, many working as gardners

BRUCE WILLIS TO FILM PROMOS FOR VERIZON, "I've been phoning it in for years!"

STATUE OF LIBERTY DECIDES TO SIT DOWN, rest a spell

[grapes]

XOF ME ME MEME

[grapes]

XOF Herald



We have learned that Donald Trump has commissioned the design of a Trump family arms, in anticipation of his eventual knighthood by Queen Elizabeth. The full description has been summarized, and sent to Trump's office, where it was added to the bottom of his pile of temporary appointments to be filled. But, sources say it now consists of a cubit arm dexter erect with saturn phalange extended gules, field bleu celeste with bar sinister or. Or something like that.

[lady_*nix]

LMAO nice subtlety

[Sigma_Orionis]

I figured it'd be a Gold Toilet...

[grapes]

XOF Herald



We have learned that Donald Trump has commissioned the design of a Trump family arms, in anticipation of his eventual knighthood by Queen Elizabeth. The full description has been summarized, and sent to Trump's office, where it was added to the bottom of his pile of temporary appointments to be filled. But, sources say it now consists of a cubit arm dexter erect with saturn phalange extended gules, field bleu celeste with bar sinister or. Or something like that.