Smoking

[SciFi Chick]

The first time I smoked, I was five years old. My dad had the bright idea that if he made me suck in some smoke from one of his cigarettes, I would never touch it after that. Alas, he was a moron.

The next time I inhaled was while traveling in Mexico at fourteen. My mom took me along on a "business trip" with everyone she worked with. They brought their families as well. She, two of her coworkers, and I, shared a suite on the shore of the Caribbean in Cancun. One day, she and the two coworkers/friends, went out. I found the carton of cigarettes that the resident smoker brought along and worked my way through half a pack. Made me sick as a dog.

I got serious about smoking at 19. Someone finally showed me how to do it correctly, and I fell in love with it. I stopped shortly thereafter due to pressure from my god and my mother.

I started up again at age 22 while in acting class. All the cool people stood outside and smoked. I kid you not. And it called to me.

I loved it. I loved the buzz when I first started. I loved being able to hide behind it socially. I loved being able to lose weight while doing it.

I didn't love the cost or the fear of dying or having to be outside when it was really cold.

I did my first serious quitting at 32. That was back in 2003. Didn't start up again until 2009 after the fire my husband and I went through.

Since then, I've quit and started again on and off. The restaurant was a bad spell. Started smoking the night we fed a group of people for free and many things went awry. Quit two months before closing and then started up again right after closing. Quit last year on Christmas Eve, then started up again when I had to get on the boat.

I quit after getting off the boat, and I hope that it's forever, but my gods I crave it so bad sometimes, and I feel like a fucking moron because I know how bad it is for me, and I want it anyway...

On the upside, I've gone from feeling this way several times a day to once or twice a week, so I have hope, but it's soooo damn hard!!!!

[pumpkinpi]

My mom smoked for over 20 years, but has been smoke free for that same amount of time. She still craves it at times, but has amazing willpower not to puff. Yet she maintains that if she were given 6 months to live, she'd start up again.

I have never taken a puff so aside from this anecdote I can't fully understand the hold it has on people.


Good luck and keep it up!

[SciFi Chick]

Thanks pumpkin. I don't know what I'd do if I was given six months to live. Would depend on the circumstances, but I have all sorts of, 'if this happened I would start smoking again' scenarios, so I can relate.

Really awesome that your mom quit for so long. I hope to be in her category twenty years from now .

[FZR1KG]

Yup, you keep going hon.
It's easy for me, I don't get cravings, so when people say I'm strong because I can give it up so easily it's very much nonsense.
Strong is craving it but giving up anyway.
If one has no cravings then they are indifferent, not strong. Big difference.
Remember that the next time you think I'm somehow stronger than you because I can give it up or when you are feeling weak.

[Rommie]

It really depends on you biologically when it comes to cravings unfortunately- some people are just more prone to it (and other addictions of course are similar).

For me one of the more fascinating things about moving to Europe was how very prevalent and accepted smoking is compared to the US, in particular amongst my generation. I knew a few people who did in the US, of course, but it was usually someone with a story like yours, like their parents smoked so they do too as they got used to it being around them (said often in an apologetic tone), and because everyone was raised from a young age knowing how bad they are smokers are almost social pariahs. In Europe, on the other hand, a very large fraction of my friends smoke- everyone knows it's bad for you, but it's far more accepted and normal to do. I really don't understand why- in particular, a lot of my friends only smoke while out drinking, and that I really don't get. I've done a few drags that probably add up to one or two cigarettes total, but meh, really not for me.

Granted I'm sure it's different in different fields as you've said for actors, and I tend to hang out with dorky scientists. But maybe that's why I notice it so much more that a large fraction of my friends around here smoke.

I do have several friends though who say when they quit they miss smoke breaks- part the break, part the camaraderie and socialization aspect, as this really isn't something built into the modern office environment otherwise. In fact my brother when he worked a summer in NYC would always go out with the smokers just to hang out even though he didn't smoke- he figured if they got a break why not him?- and said he got to network with a lot of higher-up executives from that he otherwise wouldn't have.

So that one always makes me think a bit, as it's akin to an alcoholic missing camaraderie in a bar, or an atheist missing the sense of community every week in a church when he leaves religion. Modern society is good at many things, but for many building a sense of community isn't one of them.

[Cyborg Girl]

Been there, done that, got several T-shirts.

Yes. It is hard. It is horribly, disgustingly hard.

*hugs*

[FZR1KG]

You were a smoker?

[SciFiFisher]

Strangely, I was very addicted to cigarettes for about 16 years. The day I graduated from nursing school I quit cold turkey. That time it took. I cannot really tell what the final motivating factor was but the two that really stand out even 24 years later was not being able to walk up a flight of stairs without being winded and the prospect of paying $2 per pack. And I think it was the cost that griped me the most.

Brite tells me I am just a jerk because when I decide to quit something like booze or cigarettes I have always been able to master the impulses. I used to get the cravings for nicotine especially right after a meal.

[FZR1KG]

Brite tells me I am just a jerk because when I decide to quit something like booze or cigarettes I have always been able to master the impulses. I used to get the cravings for nicotine especially right after a meal.

You're not a jerk, you're a man, it's the testosterone that makes the difference. Oh wait, same thing. lol

[SciFi Chick]

I appreciate what all of you have posted. It's very helpful...

But, I too, am intensely wondering what GJ meant? He was a smoker?!

And tonight is particularly rough. I want it so bad. And yet, I don't want it.

One thing that is different this time is that I'm just determined to get used to the idea of craving it, and saying no, no matter how much I want it.

[code monkey]

gi??!!

brite, testosterone poisoning is not pretty. however, Fisher did quit. one must respect that.

mark twain said that it was very easy to quit; he 'd done it many times. sfc it is my fervent wish that you are able to stop for good. smoking is extremely dangerous - I could show you the numbers - and I believe that there is a special place in hell for the people who worked so hard to keep people smoking.

[SciFiFisher]

I think there are various things that each person finds more difficult to do. Some people seem to have a gene or a personality disorder that makes things like quiting smoking almost easy. for me even though I had the cravings and was irritible for a few days after I quit it was more like what most text books describe as being dependent vs being addicted.

I suspect Z is very similar in that regard.

[Cyborg Girl]

@all: Long story, not smoking specifically, will explain by PM for those who absolutely must know.

[brite]

I think there are various things that each person finds more difficult to do. Some people seem to have a gene or a personality disorder that makes things like quiting smoking almost easy. for me even though I had the cravings and was irritible for a few days after I quit it was more like what most text books describe as being dependent vs being addicted.

I suspect Z is very similar in that regard.

I don't think that you (or Z) were ever really all that addicted or dependent. In that you are lucky.

And I never said that you were a jerk... unless you are putting words into my mouth... then you're a jerk... Quit Virging...

[SciFiFisher]

I think there are various things that each person finds more difficult to do. Some people seem to have a gene or a personality disorder that makes things like quiting smoking almost easy. for me even though I had the cravings and was irritible for a few days after I quit it was more like what most text books describe as being dependent vs being addicted.

I suspect Z is very similar in that regard.

I don't think that you (or Z) were ever really all that addicted or dependent. In that you are lucky.

And I never said that you were a jerk... unless you are putting words into my mouth... then you're a jerk... Quit Virging...

Well, jerk was just a nicer way of saying a**hole. Which is what you usually affectionately call me when I am being myself.

[brite]

Well, jerk was just a nicer way of saying a**hole. Which is what you usually affectionately call me when I am being myself.

I never call you an asshole... I call you Superman....

[Sigma_Orionis]

THAT would make YOU Lois Lane.........

[squ1d]

Smoked ages 16 - 33.

GJ you don't get a t-shirt for experimenting as a teenager, try being addicted for 10, 20, 30 years.

Quit 3 months ago just before I found out one of my best friends and surrogate Dad had secondary cancer from squamous cell carcinoma on the tongue. He started radio/chemo but then his heart stopped and now he is dead. Of course, everyone knows it's not good for you, smokers included, but something about the way that happened means I'm done now. Of course, I may have already done the irreparable fatal damage to myself, but I don't worry about it anymore, because there's nothing more I can do about it. The worst thing about being addicted to smoking is constantly thinking about its consequences and the fact you know you should quit.

[FZR1KG]

Smoking is just a short cut to the final destination.
You quit so you're on your way back to the main path again and you haven't veered that far off course.

[Cyborg Girl]

@squid, not talking about smoking... N/M, just forget it.

[squ1d]

How we all doing here?

I'm still quit .. I guess for about 8 months now.

[SciFiFisher]

Quit 26 years ago. Still waiting until I am 75 to start again. :p

[code monkey]

we need updates here. squ1d? sfc?

fisher, i have 1 word for you. don't.

[SciFiFisher]

we need updates here. squ1d? sfc?

fisher, i have 1 word for you. don't.

it's only about 19 years to go. By then they will have cure for practically everything.

[code monkey]

we need updates here. squ1d? sfc?

fisher, i have 1 word for you. don't.

it's only about 19 years to go. By then they will have cure for practically everything.

don't count on it.