Being Best

[Thumper]

I kind of liked Matt Bai's column about the first lady.

[Rommie]

I honestly think it's a bit too presumptuous about her situation- like technically Ivanka could also run around and speak the truth about Trump, but does that mean she feels like she could or should or even wants to? No.

I guess my main thinking about Melania was always that there's no way there isn't a serious prenuptial agreement in place- she clearly hates him, and it seems a given that they were going to divorce after he lost, but there's no way Trump went through his messy earlier two divorces without learning a thing or two about his money and how to control his women. His assertion that "you don't get to Mar a Lago from Slovenia without manipulating the system!" is also a bit dumb, because of course you don't, but part of that is knowing how to not rock the boat despite being surrounded by insanity. She's actually doing a kickass job of that.

I dunno, I guess at the end of the day I don't have a really serious opinion of her just like I've never had for any First Lady. I think that's because I instinctively feel none of them are elected to office, the president is, so however much they choose or choose not to engage is really up to them.

The one I do really feel sorry for though is Barron. He always looks beyond miserable, and while Melania did sign up to be by Trump's side, OMG, imagine having Trump as your dad!

[SciFiFisher]

I think it really is accurate for the most part. I suspect that she is very savvy. I also believe that she is a very frightened woman. Some of the behavior she displays is almost textbook battered person. I also believe that Mr. Trump has told her more than once that he would destroy her if she turned on him. I wouldn't even put it past him to imply that he would have her killed. All of this is mostly speculation. Based in large part on the fact that abusive, violent men (and women) have patterns. And one pattern that is almost always true is that they always escalate. They enjoy the power they have to destroy. And one thing Mr. Trump has displayed in spades is his love of destroying people.

We also know that he more likely than not raped his first wife. He has suppressed that story and forced Ivana to "clarify the claim". We also have the Access Hollywood recordings detailing exactly what he thinks power allows him to do to women. I suspect his abusiveness over the years has only gotten worse.

I am not suggesting that Mrs. Trump is without power or that she doesn't have options. But, I suspect it's complicated.

[Rommie]

Yes. And also, while I'm not going to suggest I know everything about Slovenian culture, I will go far enough to suggest it's similar enough to Hungarian culture which is still very machismo when it comes to marriages. Guy is still in charge, woman does the household stuff, traditional gender roles all over the place and all that comes with it.

For context, I remember when I was in college one of the younger immigrant Hungarian families in Pittsburgh with two young children got a messy divorce. It was literally the first time I remember a divorce happening in that community, and everyone was shocked. How could you do that to the children?! Did the woman really think she would find a man who wanted to "raise someone else's brats" (is the rough translation)?! Obviously I don't know all the details, but I do remember hearing some women gossiping about the divorcee, who explained to someone that she hadn't been happy or in love for many years and wanted to divorce to try to find it. "I was so busy at her age, I didn't have time to think about if I was happy!" was the general consensus. Aka, marriage isn't always a bed of roses, and your husband is a good provider, so you should stick with him no matter what.

I always think about that in the context of Melania. It doesn't even have to be outright abuse- I suspect being married to a billionaire president of the United States is just so incredible from that part of the world- the ultimate catch on paper!- that why would you ever leave even if you were miserable?

[Thumper]

I liked his observation that a First Lady has a de facto podium to do almost anything she wants despite the fact that they were not elected to anything. What they chose to do or say to a huge audience is entirely up to them. Sure, she could do nothing and go through the motions pretending to be the First Lady of the United States of America, or she do something more. Fisher could be right, there may be all manner to things we don't know about to keep her from doing or saying anything. But wouldn't it be neat if she could?

I guess if she's in a tragic plane crash on her way to Arizona to speak about immigrant worker's rights, we'll have something else to consider.

[SciFiFisher]

I liked his observation that a First Lady has a de facto podium to do almost anything she wants despite the fact that they were not elected to anything. What they chose to do or say to a huge audience is entirely up to them. Sure, she could do nothing and go through the motions pretending to be the First Lady of the United States of America, or she do something more. Fisher could be right, there may be all manner to things we don't know about to keep her from doing or saying anything. But wouldn't it be neat if she could?

I guess if she's in a tragic plane crash on her way to Arizona to speak about immigrant worker's rights, we'll have something else to consider.

Well, if the Russians have a hand in it she will probably commit suicide by being pushed from a balcony.

[Thumper]

She's got Secret Service protection for life, right? She could quietly talk with her chief of staff and see if they can be a little extra vigilante. Unless there's the suggestion that the MAGA man is powerful enough he can pervert, or work around that.

[SciFiFisher]

She's got Secret Service protection for life, right? She could quietly talk with her chief of staff and see if they can be a little extra vigilante. Unless there's the suggestion that the MAGA man is powerful enough he can pervert, or work around that.

I am not that paranoid... yet.